Strange Feelings for a Stranger (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 22

Why is it hard to accept your painful past? We need to heal. I need to heal. So i could give myself to you fully, and not just a part of me. You need to do the same. We need to grow--even if it means growing apart.

-Caryss

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"Shit!" I cursed out loud for an nth time. I am still thinking about what happened in Sam's home yesterday. "How could I said those words heartlessly?"

"C-Caryss.."

I look at the pair of Parisian eyes. His built is somewhat redeeming into my eyes, making me loose a little.

"D-Dad.." I whispered in a low voice. I even bowed my head. I have to, because i am so ashamed of what I've done.

"C'mon baby, give yourself a break. " He whispered understanding my current state. The turmoil happening in my internal self is too much to step aside. I could have done better. But i broke her into tiny little pieces.

It is actually the first time that I saw Samara to break down like that. I was accustomed to seeing her happy and bubbly. The last time she was down, she just cried tons of tears and had moved on the next day. But what happened yesterday, it's too much to bear.

She unclothed her scars. Those scars are deep, open, and still wounded. Instead of fixing her, i just added salt in those wounds.

I can vividly remember those gray eyes looking at me, pleading at me. She's pleading for my understanding. She's asking for my help to fix her, to stand for her when she's as weak as that. But instead of giving her my hand, i wagged hers and left her alone.

How stupid am I?

"Do you love her?" Dad asked as he tapped my hand.

Love her? I really don't know. What i have for her is something i couldn't name but i do understand that it is beyond caring for a friend but not too much for a lover.

"I'm not sure of what i have for her, Dad." I answered truthfully. "I just don't want to lose her. I hate hurting her and making her cry. I can't afford to sue her away. But i do feel cheated. After hearing all of what her mother said and her admission of it, i felt the hole inside my chest,throbbing, asking to be freed of lies."

Nakakaunawang tumango si Daddy. Noon ko napansin ang bahagyang paglundo ng upuan bilang tanda ng presensya ni mommy na umupo sa tabi ko.

"Did you asked her to explain?" Malambing na sabi ni Mommy habang sinusuyo ang buhok ko. "You didn't give her a chance, Ryss. "

Napailing na lang ako. Ang totoo naguguluhan din talaga ako.

"I was so mad at her that time." Nakayukong amin ko.

Kinuha ni mommy yung cellphone ko na nasa counter table.

"Do you want to speak to her now?" Tanong niya.

Muli kong iniling ang ulo ko. I don't think this is the right time to talk to Sam right now. I know that I am being unfair but i want to take it slowly. Saka di din ako sure kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Ayokong magtanong sya ng mga bagay na hindi ko pa alam ang isasagot.

"Mahal mo pa din ba si Bree?"

Napaangat ang ulo ko sa tanong na iyon ni Mommy. I couldn't blame her, i am oriented how much she liked Bree. But with our current situation right now, there's no doubt na mas boto sya kay Sam.

"I never stop loving her, Mom. I may cut our communication but it doesn't mean that I stop feeling. Mahal ko sya noon, Ma. Siguro nga mahal ko pa din sya ngayon." Pag-amin ko.

"What about Samara?" She asked hoping to receive a better answer. I know na gustong-gusto nya si Sam not because she's a big fan but because as my mother,she understands that there is a no dull moment with that woman--and that girl can be my one and only.