Always Watching

Chapter 23

I'm losing myself and I don't know what to do.

My willpower and strength is almost nonexistent as I lay here. I'm not sure where exactly 'here' is yet. This state between sleeping and awake has become so familiar, so comfortable. It's like an escape. He can't hurt me here.

Unfortunately I don't get to decide how long I want to stay here, otherwise I would never wake up. I know what's waiting for me when I do and even though I've come to enjoy this stage more than actually being awake, I don't want to go through the pain to get here.

Now I'm no doctor but I'm positive that this can't be entirely good for my body or my brain. I guess at some point one of them is going to give up. And as I can feel my personality slipping away, I'm hoping my body will give in before my brain.

At this point I'm torn, because a part of me wants to just give up. To make him so mad that he finally snaps and ends my misery. But then again a part of me refuses to think like that. I don't want to go through any more pain. I can't take it and I refuse to let him win.

I need to get out, get away. I need to stop him somehow. What would happen if I die? Is he just gonna find another girl and continue his sick ways? I wont let another girl suffer the way I am. If I have any say, this is gonna end with me. With him behind bars or 6 feet under, either is preferable.

Suddenly my finger twitches and I know this place of peace is about to disappear, and the dark reality is waiting for me with its suffocating arms wide open.

My eyes open slightly to bright light, and my tongue feels too big as I feel like I'm choking on the dryness in my mouth.

My eyes open further and I'm just praying and hoping that he for some reason isn't here with me. I don't know if I can't deal with him right now. I'm exhausted both mentally and physically.

I blink several times to adjust my sight to the light and when I do, I'm relieved not to see his presence anywhere in the bedroom. My relief is short though as I hear footsteps coming from outside the door.

My body is suddenly in full panic mode. My breathing is hectic and I close my eyes trying to calm my self down. Nothing helps, and no matter how much I'd like to say I'm still strong and not afraid, my body is definitely telling me something else.

I need to sit up, I need air. I use my weak arms to pull myself up to a sitting position. Everything hurts, my legs, my stomach, my arms, my head, everything.

My breathing is still a mess and it doesn't help when a complete stranger steps into the room with Harold after him. Maybe he's gonna help him kill me and get rid of the body.

My eyes move between the two of them, even more scared than before. When the stranger sees me he hurries forwards, but I flinch away from his touch. I know better than to trust anyone who knows Harold.

Harold himself seems reluctant to come near me and right now I don't really care why. All I care about is the fact that he stays the hell away.

The stranger takes a hold of my shoulders and tries to hold me still.

"Breathe" he says calmly and starts taking deep breaths himself. I close my eyes and try to follow his lead. I'm not doing it because he tells me too, but because all this passing out is taking a toll on me.

Slowly my breathing gets back to normal and I open my eyes to see a relieved face. When I'm calm again, or as calm as you would expect someone to be in a room with her kidnapper, who also happens to be a complete psycho and murderer, I quickly shrug off his hands. I don't particular want someone to touch me right now or ever again for that matter, Harold has made sure of that.

He seems to get the hint and take a small step back from me. I don't look at him, but from the corner of my eye I can see Harold still standing by the door. 

"My name is Liam" he tells me. I keep my eyes diverted from him, though I give him a small nod letting him know that I heard him, I don't want Harold getting mad.

"How are you feeling?" I know I should answer, that would be the polite and smartest thing to do. But I just can't. I can't even get my self to try and even if I did, I doubt the words would actually leave my mouth.

So I just keep staring at my legs covered by the sheets. There's a loose thread that my brain for some reason finds very interesting.

As he waits for an answer and my fingers fidget with the straying thread, he put his hand on top of mine, immediately making my eyes snap to his.

"How are you?" he asks me again. His voice is so calm, so friendly, so different from Harold's. But that doesn't matter, I'm still not answering.

"Babe..." Harold begins as he takes a step further into the room. And even though his tone and posture isn't threatening I still cower back in fear, making him stop mid-step.

"Please look at me" his voice sound pleading and almost desperate, but I know it's just a trick. I don't think he even possesses any feeling like that, it's all for show. I'm even doubting, he's ever actually loved this Julie, he's just fooling himself.

"I'm sorry mate, but I think you should give her some time" I hear Harold let out a weak sigh before I hear his footsteps leave the room.

"I'm sorry about what has happened to you" Liam tells me, and his words makes me wonder how much he actually knows. Does he know that his supposed friend is a kidnapper and a murderer? Probably not, and since they seems to be friends I don't think telling him is gonna do me any good. He'll most likely tell Harold that I told, and I'll get punish again. I don't want that.

"I'll just have a quick look at your wounds, to make sure they're healing, okay?" he asks, but he doesn't move as he waits for my answer. I slowly nod, just hoping he's telling the truth.

He carefully moves the sheets, letting cold air hit my legs. I cringe when I see my body. Even though the worst is covered with bandaged, dark bruises still spill out from the sides. Liam moves a bandage from my thigh reveling a nasty looking wound.

It's clear it's from the same objects that he hit my whole body with. And I can only assume that this is what my entire body look like.

I can feel Liam looking at me and I decide to look back at him. A pitiful look is in his eye and a bit of.. guilt?

"It's healing fine, with a lot of rest your body should eventually be okay"

I nod again, looking away. The fact that he used the word okay and only talked about my body doesn't go unnoticed be me. Even he knows that I'll never completely heal from this.

"I'm sorry. I know how Harry can be" he sighs "And I don't know what happened or what you did, but I told him that he took it too far" I look away, tears forming in my eye. 'What I did' of course he doesn't see the truth in what is happening in this house. Does he think I'm here by free will?

"I get that you're not too fond of him right now, but you should talk to him. He's really upset" Right then tears start falling from my eyes. He's upset? What about me? I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'm blue and black all over, does he think that I want this?

I can feel him growing uncomfortable, "well, I should go" he stands from his seat beside the bed and walks towards the door. "Again I'm sorry, I know you don't even know me but I'm just here to help"

"If you were here to help, you wouldn't leave me alone with him" I mumble but the pause in his steps lets me know that he probably heard me. 

As he closes the door behind him I break into full sobs. It hurts in my stomach as well as the rest of my body, but I can't seem to stop. I cry for all the fucked up things that has happened. I cry for the pain I'm in, for everything he has taken away.

I thought I could handle this, that I could make it out. But as I'm sitting here feeling so broken, I doubt that I'll ever become whole again and I seriously doubt that I'll ever be strong enough to make it out of here alive.