His third confession. He wrote it days ago. Unlike the two previous confessions that were sent through the net, this one he wrote on paper. He brought it with him wherever he went. It was burning a figurative hole inside his pocket for days. He’s dithering on what to do with it.
‘Even if I swear to myself I can live without you.
But I can’t help it.
I fill my heart with alcohol, but I still feel empty.
The days without you feel so long.
I beg heaven to please erase you.
It’s all a lie.
Without you I can’t smile, tears don’t even form.
I don’t want to live anymore.
It’s wrong, it pisses me off.
I feel like I’m going crazy thinking about you.
I can’t see you even if I want to.
The song I put my everything into and sung for you.
People probably don’t know.
Alone, without anyone knowing.
Yeah, the lies I made.
I’ve been left alone, keep roaming with the loneliness.
I still can’t forget you.
No, even eventually, even after death.
Has the scar I gave you healed?
I’m sorry for not being able to do anything for you.’
As he walked along the corridor of YG entertainment, he overheard a couple of staff members talking about WINNER’s activities for their comeback album promotion. He overheard something about them guesting on KBC FM. His hand convulsed involuntarily crumpling further the already wrinkled piece of paper in his pocket.
He walked on as if nothing happened. When he went inside the studio and found that no one has arrived yet, he took out his phone and called his manager.
"Hyung, have you heard anything about WINNER’s guesting on KBC?" He asked his manager.
"I heard about it from the other managers yesterday. I’m not quite sure if I should tell you or not. That’s why I didn’t say anything." His manager told him.
He took out the offending piece of paper from his pocket and looked at it contemplatively. "Hyung, since sending secret deliveries seems to be your forte. Can you send another one for me? This time with my blessing. I want it to be anonymous. Maybe send it through one of their managers or something."
"Okay. I’ll talk to someone from their team. Are you in the studio already? I’m on my way there." The older man complied.
"Thanks, Hyung." Jiyong ended the call after that.
(The third confession in italics is taken out from Big Bang’s Lies. Translation copied from https://www.google.com.ph/amp/s/mariellebatac.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/lies-by-bigbang/amp/)
*** *** ***
Soonho found out that one of the staff handling WINNER was on his way to KBC FM to check out the setup for the program. He handed the note now sealed in an envelope to his colleague.
He told the man that a friend of a friend heard that WINNER would appear on the pilot program for the station and the man asked him to send the note meant for the program Switchboard Confessional with Sandara. The story was so obviously full of crap but the man thankfully agreed to deliver the note without question.
The note was delivered as requested to the station’s receptionist, who gave the envelope to Sandara as she came in that day. She was drinking coffee with Jae-suk and Donghae later when she remembered the note that she had stuck inside her pocket.
She brought it out. "Someone gave a note for Switchboard at the front desk earlier." She placed the envelope on top of the table. Jae-suk reached over and opened the envelope.
"This is good material. Let’s use it for the program tonight." Jae-suk said after reading it.
Donghae was interested and read it after the program director set it back on the table. "Damn. This man has got it bad. I agree with hyung. You should use it later tonight." He handed the note to Sandara.
Her curiosity was awakened by their reactions. She smoothed the crumpled note in front of her and froze. She would know that handwriting anywhere. She still had the handwritten songs he wrote for her before but she won’t need to take them out for comparison to confirm that that almost unintelligible script was his.
The two men in front of her wondered at her reaction. Theirs were purely academic but Sandara’s reaction was unexpected. For a few moments she sat frozen as she stared at the note. Then all of a sudden she jumped up from her seat and ran out of the room.
She was on the verge of ripping the note into pieces but she ran out before she’d do something that would raise questions she wasn’t yet willing to answer. When she received messages from iguana1988 she felt disturbed because it sounded so much like him but she couldn’t put a marker on the feeling.
Seeing his handwriting however triggered something else. Something she didn’t expect to feel. As comprehension dawned on her she felt an unexpectedly welcome white hot rage fill her entire being.
Surprisingly she embraced it because for the first time she had felt something other than pain and loss. And rage felt better any day than the crippling feeling those two brought. She had suffered so much for so long that absolution was no longer something she was willing to give him.
She controlled her breathing and gathered all her acting skills to mask the intensity of her emotions and hide them beneath a false veneer of unaffected calm. She splashed water on her face and blotted it off.
She looked at the mirror and her reflection smiled serenely back at her. Her demon emotions have finally settled down. For now, that is.
She went out and resumed the discussion with the two men as if nothing happened. Jae-suk shrugged off the confusion caused by her abrupt sprint out of the room but Donghae was another matter. His suspicions had been raised and they refused to let the incident go.
They were further incited when Dara deliberately left the note alone. As they stood up at the end of their planning session he quietly pocketed the note before Jae-suk called Sandara’s attention back to it. He had the feeling the girl wouldn’t open up if confronted in front of other people.
'She deliberately "forgot" about the note.What did the note mean to her? Who wrote it and what is he to Dara? There was nothing there to identify the writer but Dara saw something there that Jae Suk and I didn't or couldn’t see. She knows the sender personally.' The thoughts and questions whirled inside his head but he decided to bide his time for the right moment.
She was surprised to see Donghae sitting at the station's lobby on her way out after her shift. He stood up as she approached. He took something from his pocket as she stopped walking in front of him.
He handed her the note and went straight for the kill. “This is yours. It was written for you.” He looked at her, gauging her reaction at his statement. It wasn’t even a question anymore. He knew in his bones that he was right.
He handed it to her. She quietly took the note from him silently acknowledging his assumptions. There was no sense in denying the truth. She found no use in protesting now.
“Judging from you reaction, you don’t want to talk about it.” Donghae voiced his observation.
She just stared back in silent mutiny at him. Her fingers clenching the note in her hand, crumpling it into a tiny ball.
Donghae sighed. He took the note back from her. He un-crumpled it or at least he tried. It was wrinkled beyond repair. He placed it back in his pocket.
"I'll keep this for you. Just in case you'll want it back one day." He told the sullen girl in front of him.
"No. I won't. You can throw it away." She finally said something.
"That's just the anger speaking. Trust me. Someday you might want to take back those words. He really did a number on you, did he?" He said almost to himself.
"Just a thought. I think you're not the only one who was hurt. The man who wrote that was and is still in pain." He told her.
"You're siding with him, now?" She spat at him.
"No. Just stating an observation." He grabbed her hand. "Come on. Let's vent all that pent up emotion on food. Ahjumma still has ramen at this hour.”
He then pulled the sulky girl whose stomach suddenly growled a battle cry at the mere mention of ramen. A few steps, however, she removed her arm from his grasp and marched ahead of him with arms akimbo towards their usual midnight haunt. He chuckled and followed her at a more sedate pace.
YOU ARE READING
The One Who Got Away
Fanfiction(Also posted on AFF.) They met when he was the newest singing sensation to rock the kpop music scene. He had the perfect blend of looks, wit, charisma with the added bonus of a killer smile and smoldering stare that could make teenage girls swoon...
