crash & burn ✺ l.t au

[18]

Warning: Some sexual content will be in this chapter. Feel free to skip over it.

Enough of No Love

I was tired, tired of all these new shocking things I found out every single fucking day. Im so tired of feeling pain and feeling unwanted. Im tired of being afraid. Im tired of not knowing what's going on and being clueless. I'm tired of being that helpless girl.

I'm just tired of everything..

Knowing that my sister is alive is a huge shocker to me. when she came in that window last night almost made me want to collapse. I honestly thought she was dead but she somehow managed to not get killed and I'm so grateful for that. But in all honesty, everything is beginning to become to much for me to handle.

Louis cheating on me, James coming after me, my sister being alive, and these mixed emotions I'm having for Parker is just making me want to bury myself 6 feet under.

I wish I had someone I could vent to about all of this but no one is there for me. I don't have anyone to tell about how I'll be possibly dying real soon or that I miss and love Louis so much but I know that I can't make him happy anymore.

Or that I'm actually starting to crash down into a pit of nothingness.

I feel sick to my stomach knowing that everything's going to be gone in - I don't know - a couple of days, maybe weeks, or months even. Knowing that I won't be able to see my family, Kyle, Parker, and Louis ever again makes me want to get all of this over already.

Maybe, this is the end for me..

Laying in bed was all I wanted to do today. Lena went back home after I called my mom and Landon that she was alive. They obviously didn't believe me at first but when I put on the phone they shut up right away. Landon was here as fast as he could be in a car and he took her back home.

I still needed to process a lot of things, especially the mixed emotions I have for Parker. He's been there for me a lot, and he's been so kind and sweet with me. I remember when he was just this asshole who was obsessed with me but now I see him in a whole different light other than being so rude and cocky.

I'm just so confused...

A knock brought me out of my thoughts, making me sit up in bed. I pushed the covers off my legs, walking towards the door as I ran a hand through my hair. Who could be bothering me right now?

When I opened the door I didn't expect to see him here. He had his hands tucked into his pockets, a black hoodie adorning his torso and blue jeans hanging low on his hips. His eyes seemed dull and lifeless, the beautiful blue turned gray.

"Louis... what are you doing here?" I question softly.

His eyes flicker up to mine, a sad smile gracing his slightly chapped pink lips. What was he doing here? I thought we broke up.

"Jasmine, I miss you. I miss you so damn much." He says, tears filling up his grayish blue eyes.

I sigh, "Louis we broke up. You said you didn't mean it when you said you loved me."

My heart started to pound against my chest at a unnatural speed. Why was he telling me he missed me? He doesn't even want me and I don't make him happy.

"But, now I actually do love you. I've loved you since the very first time we had sex together." Louis admits, walking into my dorm room and shutting the door behind him.

Tears welled up in my eyes, "Louis I-"

"No let me finish," he says cutting me off.

"Jasmine, I love you. I just never noticed until I realized you were giving up on me. I can't stand being away from you. It hurts so much not being able to kiss your lips, wrap my arms around you or just simply just talking to you. It hurts not seeing you smile or laugh anymore. I've caused you so much pain.."