He Took Me in the Night

Chapter XV: Agonised

"I pray that what ever may happen, Jonathan may know that I loved him and honored him more than I can say, and that my latest and truest thought will be always for him." -Bram Stoker, Dracula

Chapter XV: Agonised

"How could you do this to me?" I scream, as I claw at the shirt under Drake's tuxedo. His chest is hard and solid and apparently indestructible, because no matter how desperately I try to inflict some permanent damage, it's still remains flawless.

He just stands still, letting my rake at his chest with my fingernails. I don't dare meet his eyes, so I keep my gaze solely focused on my target and keep persisting in tearing him apart. I'm so angry and sad and hurt that I can't think strait. I just want him to feel the pain I'm feeling. I don't think I can bear all this on my own.

An endless stream of tears passes down my cheeks and there's a horrible aching feeling inside my chest. My heart still beats, but it's more like a tired, defeated squeeze that's just making me feel even worse.

I'm alive, but barely.

"You killed him!" I shriek, my fists now pounding into him. "You've ruined my life. I loved him! I can't believe you killed him. I loved him!" I just keep punching him over and over again because I want him to suffer too.

When all my anger runs dry I'm left wallowing in my grief. I'm so exhausted that I can't continue hitting him, so my arms just fall limply by my sides and my shoulders slump. "Oh my god. He's dead. Erik is dead," I confirm.

"Are you finished?" Drake demands impatiently.

I feel my knees buckle and I collapse in a heap on the ground. Drake huffs in annoyance, clearly unable to sympathise with me. I bury my face in my hands and feel my whole world crumble away.

Why am I still breathing?

"Erik is dead," I say again, the words practically hacking at my insides and leaving them shredded. I will never recover from loosing him. I will always be this half-dead, half-living thing.

I keep on sobbing, my shoulders heaving and my body shaking convulsively. My immeasurable loss and turbulent mass of emotion overwhelms me. I can't stop crying. I just can't. I want to dissolve in my tears until I disappear. I'm just in too much agony.

"You're very unattractive when you cry," Drake says patronizingly.

I look up from the ground in response to his insensitive comment and meet his condescending gaze. His grey eyes are skewering me with derision, his mouth is pulled into a sharp line and his body is really tense.

He's looking at me with so much unrelenting fury that for the first time ever I get the impression that he wants to eat me. But I don't care. He'd be doing me a favour anyway.

"Just do it," I say, my voice croaky. "Just get it over with."

"Do what?" Drake demands.

"Kill me."

Drake's face changes as I say this. He's still angry, but his expression is different somehow, more unreadable and it makes me uneasy. I look away from him and rest my cheek on the cold floor. Drake's malignant grey eyes are probably the last things Erik ever saw.

"Its his fault you know," Drake says, his voice flat. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to imagine that I'm not here, that I'm far away. But my sadness just brings me crashing on back.

"I mean, what did he expect? That he could just climb the castle walls and steal you away from me without being punished?" Drake scoffs. "What a stupid, foolish boy!"