Within the Forest (Werewolf Solangelo AU)

Chapter Five: A Friendly Face

Nico's POV: Trigger warning. Mention of cutting, suicide and abuse.

Of course, I ended up making the reservation for the dinner that was meant to be Nathan's "treat". But what was I expecting? I need to enjoy this bit of kindness while it lasts. Let's hope he doesn't drink during dinner. I let him pick the restaurant and I called. We're going to Olive Garden. Yaay. I'm soo excited. 

Nathan is out buying us new clothes. At least he knows I don't have anything. I told this time to pace our bedroom and rethink my life so far. Especially tonight. There is no way this night could end well. My mind raced with "What ifs". I took a breath, looking towards the bathroom. I then looked at my arm, rolling up my sleeve. My arm was littered with scars. Some small. Some large. Some overlapped. I was running out of places to cut cleanly. You know, without risking the chance of bleeding out. I know that isn't a problem. I know where to cut in order to make that happen. I've done my homework. I've just.. Never worked up the nerve to do so. I awoke from my trace for no apparent reason. I found myself in the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. 

"... I know where to cut in order to kill myself. And I'm small enough to find somewhere Nathan can't reach. I could do it.. Right now. He's gone. He won't be back for awhile. He might come too late. I might already be gone," I whispered to my reflection.

I shook my head, gripping the sink with both hands. That's stupid. There's no way. Why would I kill myself over a dinner? I need a better reason. I was about to walk out, when I froze. Do I have a reason? 

I moved myself back in front of the mirror. I then gripped the bottom of my shirt. I've refused to look at myself without a shirt on for months. I was always afraid of what I might see. Always afraid of what I'd let myself become. But I took a deep breath and lifted my shirt from over my head. 

Oh no.

Oh geez.

Oh Dio.

It was worse then I thought. My body was covered in bruises. Some old and fading. Others newer and still forming. My pale skin looked like a blank canvas with blotches of purples, blues and black covering it. Made by an angry artist. Both of my arms were covered in scars that managed to overlap each other, a white and pink maze that seemed to have no end. I hadn't realized how much my body ached. I must have gotten used to it. Was this.. Healthy? Surely not. The scars. The ones on my torso weren't from me. Many white lines that weaved in and out of each other. Some going from my shoulder down to below my waist line. I don't even remember where half of these scars came from. My years with Nathan had been one.. big.. painful blur. 

How did Nathan expect me to go out like this?! How.. How did I manage to survive like this? Why did I let it get this far? I used to be happy. I used to be independent. How did I go from a newly made orphan who was living with a love interest to a pathetic excuse for a person who lets his boyfriend beat him?! I don't even love him anymore. Yes, I'm saying it! I don't love him! He's an abusive prick who does nothing but make my life miserable. But what else am I supposed to do? He's feed me, clothed me, put a roof over my head. That's more then I could ever do by myself. I'm not even old enough to get a job. 

I pulled my shirt off, wiping away tears I've tried to hold back the moment I saw the marks on me. I can't believe I just attempted I don't love Nathan anymore. He can never know this. (Watch it Neeks. The fourth wall is cracking. If it breaks, so help me-) I sighed, rolling my eyes. Why am I acting like I've been talking to someone? (There ya go! Good boy.) Nathan could never find out unless I told him, which is never going to happen. He'd kill me. And I'm not sure if that's an exaggeration or not anymore. I can't risk anything.