Ex with Benefits (sequel to Roommates with Benefits)

Let her go

The song for this chapter is Let Her Go, by Passenger,you might not want listen to it by mid-chapter...

CHAPTER 18 - LET HER GO

TARA'S POV

We all laughed as Zach imitated his coach by gruffly ordering some soccer scheme. I've seen the man, and the portrait was truly identical. However it wasn't really about that. It was the whole night, all of us enjoying a beautiful family dinner altogether, laughing and bantering and chatting ... it was wonderful. The sole trouble was, one member of our crew had been replaced for the night.

Lukas and I used to do this a lot, actually, it's a family tradition for us, every Friday we went to eat pizza altogether, we spent the time of our lives; many couples complain that with kids it's difficult to go out at night, and it may be true, but not entirely for us. 

We used to do a lot of family stuff, starting from summer trips, Christmas somewhere nice ... any time off we got, it was spent with the family. Sure, we did reserve time for us two alone, but the holidays with the whole family are engrained in my mind. 

It wasn't always easy, you know with kids and all, and it got kind of messy when we spent summers with the whole group, our friends and their kids, I mean, but ... I loved it. It all got lost ever since Lukas and I started falling apart.

We couldn't spend a single holiday without fighting, so in the end we gave up on the trips with our friends, and then to the rest. It just ... went all down bit by bit. Do I regret it? Definitely. Do I miss it? Hell, yeah. I do miss the man my husband used to be, but ... that doesn't mean I'm willing to bow my neck to the executioner once again. I've learnt from my mistakes.

I may have my faults, I know I do, but that doesn't mean I can forgive Lukas. It's not one single episode, it's a whole load of shit he's put me through, his latest stunt today was only the last straw.

My heart may not be entirely over him, but I am. It's over, case closed. Be it only for a matter of dignity, I won't let that jackass maneuver me like that anymore, I'm moving on. Gradually, but I am. I just need him to quit being such an immature jerk, and free me from this failure that is our marriage.

However, there was no room for sad thoughts tonight, I was having too much fun. I think I haven't been laughing with such gusto since years.

Surprisingly, Aaron fitted in pretty well. The kids don't know him that much, yet they seemed to love him already, even Nicky seemed somewhat fascinated, and that's all saying, because she hates everything and everyone these days. She'd sound like her mom in her early 20s, wasn't it for the stained record.

My daughter isn't at all the goody-two-shoes I was at her age, if anything, she's proudly the bad boy's daughter. Sometimes I think she's willingly doing a repeat of her father's crap back in the day. 

I try to manage as much as I can, but dealing with such a rebellious daughter isn't at all easy, especially not when it's just me. It would be doable if Nicky's new personality were all to be blamed on what Lukas did, but ... it's not. I'm afraid that was just what triggered it.

Either way, Nicky the Hater was seemingly liking my friend, so I guess that was a victory for me. I hope she – as much as her siblings – will also like Jeremy or whoever I'll replace their dad with when the time comes.

When the time comes is a quite vague phrase, because ... I think I should take my time first, not dive in a new relationship that soon. That's why I'm so reluctant with Jeremy. I mean, first, I'm still in the middle of the divorce, second, my heart needs to adjust to the absence of a specific person. I'm not the type of woman that fights fire with fire, I can't dive in a new relationship when I'm still scorched by the old one ... I've learnt that.