The Fat Bitch Diet

Chapter 8 - Scene 6

Sadly, the evening was a bust, and I missed The Bachelorette, so I did a Walmart run to grab chicken breast for dinner. After my successful second run at the treadmill, I felt the confidence I needed to give healthy eating a shot.

I eagerly entered the store, marching towards the frozen-foods aisle when suddenly I was stopped by the manager. He was a sweet fifty-year-old Hispanic man who was always eager to help me.

"Welcome back, Viola! You came at just the right time. We're having a sale on feminine-hygiene products, face products, and laxatives."

"Thanks, Alex, but I am here for something else," I replied, grabbing an empty cart.

"Oh! Silly me, I forgot it's a weekday. You must be headed for the bulk aisle, I will go get you some boxes."

"Oh, that won't be necessary, Alex, I am actually here for some chicken breasts."

Alex looked confused and concerned. "Oh, do you have a new dietary restriction? Cause I've never seen you step foot in the fresh meat section."

"That's not true. I've stopped by in that aisle for free samples."

Alex scratched his head. "Okay, well, what else do you need?"

"Umm... brown rice and some vegetables."

Alex gently placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Are you dying, Viola? It's okay, you can tell me, I won't tell anybody. Is it your heart?"

I shook my head, smiling uncomfortably. "I'm trying a new thing."

"Oh, okay, well, if you need anything just ask your good friend Alex."

"Thanks, Alex," I replied, quickly walking away.

Just as I reached the poultry section, I felt a pat on the back.

"Oh, hi, Crissy," I said, turning around. She was my junk food hookup. Whenever anything I liked was on sale I always received a heads-up from the most talkative employee, Crissy Wilkinson.

"How are you, girl? Listen, I heard what happened with your boyfriend. What a jerk. Oh, before I forget, stop by the deli. Naomi filled a bottle full of bacon fat just for you. Can you believe this weather? I wish I wasn't so thin and beautiful. I am really tired of getting hit on at the clubs. Hey! You should come out with me and my girlfriends sometime. I would love to see how you big girls twerk!"

"That won't be happening," I said. "The last time I tried twerking I fell down a flight of stairs."

Crissy burst out laughing, grabbing the attention of other shoppers. I slowly inched away from her with my cart and raced over to the rice bags. I sped over to the cooler area to grab random bags of veggies and headed straight for the cash registers, figuring I was home free... for about three seconds.

"Hi, Viola!" said Shaista, a middle-aged Pakistani woman who had been trying to find a girl for her thirty-five-year-old son. I only know this because it's all she talked about whenever she scanned my items.

"Hi, Shaista. Any luck with Kurram?" That was the name of her bachelor son.

"Oh, Viola, he is so picky. We picked out three girls for him, and he rejected every single one."

"Really, why?"

"All ridiculous reasons. He complained that the first girl had unattractive fingernails. How ridiculous is that? Nobody's nails are perfect, just look at yours."

"Hey, I file my nails to perfection with my teeth. So what was the issue with the second girl?"

"Her breath, can you believe that? He said her breath smelled like a rotting pakora gave birth to a decaying samosa."

"And the third?" I asked as Shaista scanned through my last item.

"He didn't like the way she dressed. He said that she looked like she stole her clothes off a hit-and-run victim."

"Yikes," I replied, handing over cash.

"Just keep him in your prayers. I fear he will be living at home forever. Have a nice day Viola!" Shaista said, waving and smiling.

"Bye, Shaista," I said, pushing my cart and heading out the door. Mission accomplished.

Preparing the meal was a cinch. I kept it simple as Christos's guide advised, and all that I placed on my plate were the breasts, some brown rice, and a cup of vegetables. I believe the rule of thumb was groups of three for meals.

For my bedtime snack, I toasted a piece of multi-grain bread with peanut butter spread on it. It was a big departure from my typical midnight pantry raid of chips and chocolate desserts, but oddly enough, I felt good.

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