Broken and Fixed

ѕєνєи

нαяяу

I sat in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't feel like doing anything; I didn't want to do anything. Not if I knew April hated my guts.

I groaned and rolled over, pressing my face into my pillow.

I felt terrible. She probably thinks I'm a jerk, leading her on and then not showing up for... was it considered a date? I don't really know.

I had tried to convince myself that April didn't matter to me, but I couldn't. I knew I was lying to myself; she meant the world to me. I think. I don't know, I only met her a couple days ago. I can't be that into her. Right?

I sat up, leaning against the headboard. Yeah, I could tell myself that. I only met her a couple days ago, I can't care about her.

Yeah. I think I can do this.

My phone rang and I picked it up. I was disappointed to see Louis's name, but I picked up, nonetheless.

"Hey."

"Hey!" Louis sounded as cheerful as ever. "What's up?"

Moping over a girl I barely know. "Not much, you?"

"Not much," Louis replied. "So." I could practically hear the grin in his voice. "How's April?"

At the sound of her name, I knew I couldn't possibly be over her. I groaned and laid down on the bed again. How could I honestly think I don't care about her? She's the best thing that's happened to me in three years.

"What happened?" Louis demanded.

"We aren't... you know, hanging out anymore," I told him wearily.

"Why?"

"I asked her to go see a movie, and then I accidentally fell asleep before it and was very late."

"Oh. Sorry mate." Louis sounded sympathetic.

"It's fine," I muttered. "I'm sure I'll get over it."

"Sure, whatever you say," Louis answered. I pictured him rolling his eyes. "Anyways, me and the lads are going paint balling. Wanna come?"

"No thanks, I'm good."

"Perfect. Now the teams are even!" Louis exclaimed. I snorted. "Bye, Harry!"

"See ya," I murmured, pulling the phone away from my ear and hanging up. I threw it on the chair beside my bed, resuming my staring at the ceiling.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time? Like, really badly? Me too. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to fall asleep. I'd rather be exhausted and with April than fully rested without April.

Sadly, though, I don't have a time machine. It's in the past now; the only thing I can do is to just get over her. Or get her to like me again. Which probably won't happen, so that's off the list.

What to do, what to do...

I rolled over. This day had gone by agonizingly slow, and it was only 6:32 PM. Maybe I could just fall asleep...?

No. I needed to try and clear things up. Yeah, sure, she'd probably just hate me even more for calling her, but it's the only thing I can think of.

She sent me to voicemail a couple times, but when she finally picked up, she had to yell over the loud music. I knew at once that she was at a party.

"What do you want?" she said loudly, making me hold the phone away from my ear.

"I want to explain to you what happened," I said.

"No thanks."

"April, please!" I said desperately. "Just listen to me!"

"I'd rather not," she said coldly.

"Who's on the phone, Amy?" a slurred voice called.

"I'm April," she said, "and it's no one. Don't worry, C."

"Okay," I'm guessing her friend answered, and then I think walked away.

"April-"

"Don't," she interrupted, "start. Harry, I don't want to hear it. Bye."

"But-" I started, and was cut off by the ring tone. She had hung up.

I sighed loudly before angrily flinging my phone at the wall and flopping onto the bed.

I needed to get over her, but I couldn't, and it sucked. It's not fun trying to get over someone you love.

Do I love her? Or do I just love the thought of love?