When Bellatrix has a Daughter

16. Taking the side of my Heart

“There,” he said quietly as the wick started shining, “a simple candle has given you the answer.” Tears were still in my eyes.

I was the candle. My light was still there inside of me. I just had to open the shield that showed me there was darkness, because there wasn’t. I had to let my light shine.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Thank yourself,” Dumbledore said. At that moment, my whole world fixed right. I had faith in the good. Yes, there were bad things in my life, but there were good things inside my heart. I chose to go with my heart. A huge surge of love and gratitude filled me. I felt like I had started breathing again. Breathing the breath of life. 

“Good night,” he bid me away. I smiled happily and genuinely for the first time at him. “Goodnight!” I said cheerfully.

As I left, he said once again, “I can expect you to trust Snape.”

I didn’t reply. That had to be pondered over, “Good night,” I said once again but before I could leave he said softly, “See Elvis, you always had a choice.” 

“I know,” I agreed and walked away, with a huge grin in my face.

**

That night as I pondered over things, I came to know about something. I suddenly knew why the Dark Lord hadn’t been able to see that I had feelings for Harry, and he was one of the most experienced Legilimency user. It dawned on me as the words of Dumbledore repeated in my head, “Anyone who has the ability to love is more powerful than Voldemort.”

The Dark Lord hadn’t been able to see my thoughts because he didn’t know the meaning of love! He couldn’t experience love and love was foreign to him. And also, I was more powerful than him because I knew why I existed; to love. Not only one person, but everything good. 

With that in my mind, feeling lighter hearted than I ever had, I fell to sleep with a smile on my face.

**

I was walking in the Great Hall with a huge smile on my face when someone caught my hand. “Elvis!” Draco greeted me happily, walking beside me. My heart stopped. This was it. I was such a hypocrite. A knot rose in my throat and I couldn’t speak. How could I tell him that I had switched sides? How could I tell him that he was now on his own??

“What’s wrong?” he said with a hint of concern. My heart thumped. What would I be telling him? how could I tell him that I could just not go back, not only because I had made up my mind I was now no longer going to live in fear, but also because even if I DID stop feeling that going back to Dumbledore was a good decision (which was most unlikely), it wouldn’t still cancel out that on the first day of Hogwarts I had tried to kill Dumbledore and that he knew about the mission. In that way, even Draco would be in danger.

I blinked my eyes a few times. What should I say? “Uh nothing,” I said softly. I still couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him I wouldn’t be going (I would be telling him only that much). “Look,” I choked, “I’ll uh, meet you later.”

What would I be telling him? I wondered, as I moved away from him, a stone placed on my heart, a voice telling me what a cheat I was.

*

For the next few days I just ignored him. He looked confused at first and then even he started ignoring me for no reason. Sometimes I guess that happens with everyone. Then on the day before holiday started, as I was walking in a deserted corridor, he came up to me and said in my ears inconspicuously, “Packed your things?”

My heart went cold. Then I turned to him and looked at him straight in the eye, “No. I’m not going Draco.” he burrowed his eyebrows, “What?” “Yeah,” I said and turned back. “W-Wait, you’re not GOING?” “Yes,” I broke my arm free of his clasp.  “Are you nuts?” he asked, still not being able to believe me. “I- I uh… I don’t know,” I said. “What about the Dark Lord?” he sneered, “Do you think he’s going to allow you?” “Well,” I shrugged though I felt a twinge of fear, “No one can harm me inside Hogwarts.” “You…. What??”