Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

9.0 That One Guy From That Boy Band

I wish I were at Talia's right now. No seriously, I'm not starting out this story from one of my usual places. I'm sitting in a holding cell at the police station and sharing it with miss lip ring. By appearance alone you'd assume she's a goth-punk teen runaway who gets booked every once in a while for committing a petty offence like swearing at a police officer.

"Just because I'm some teen runaway who dressed up in black and has multiple piercings doesn't mean I'm a troubled kid," the teen, who calls herself Betsie, groaned. "If you've seen me without this get-up, I'd be easily identified."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really! Have you been paying attention?"

I haven't. All she ever did the moment she arrived was bitch and complain. About what isn't my concern as it's usual teenage rebellion stuff. "Cool your tits! All I said were filler words to show I'm interested." Not that I am.

She sighs. "Seriously, I'd still be the good girl in my parents' eyes if it weren't for some charismatic, evangelical preacher who convinced my dad God had been missing from his life."

"Was your dad a depressed atheist or something along those lines?"

"No, he was some depressed evangelical who got told he and the rest of us we're doing it wrong. I still believe Jesus is my Lord and Saviour and all. Men, especially adult men, feel it's their rightful place to control women. The minute I get labelled as an adult, I'm converting to a more liberal form of belief that still follows Christ."

"Which is?"

"Catholicism."

I don't see how that's any better. It's not like I can convince her Jesus is a vampire.

"So, what are you booked for?" She asks me. "Did you get arrested for shoplifting too?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Your blouse looks like it's from a high-end store. What are the chances you'd find a black lace sleeve blouse with a leather bodice in a second-hand store? I doubt someone like you could afford that even on final clearance."

"I actually did pick this up from a second-hand store. Hardly worn." And thank you, James, for making magical laundry detergent.

She rolls her eyes, not believing what I just said.

"The reason I'm here is I got in a fight. They're saying I attacked Donnie Knight."

Her jaw drops. "You gotta be joking. You, erm, you attacked Donnie Knight? That is, like, totally awesome. I mean that guy is, like, a total, um, what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Douchebag."

She pauses for a couple of seconds. "Yeah, I guess that's it. I'd pick cocky, but douchebag is stronger. Drugs and alcohol turn people into, douchebags. He's like what? Nineteen? Twenty? I mean, girls my age idolize boys like him and write fan fiction about being whisked away by them. He's totally setting a bad example out there. Being loud and public and causing disturbances, peeing in a church's water font and posting it online ..."

Yeah, he is a douche with news stories like that taking over the internet. In reality, Donnie isn't a teenager or even in his early twenties. Overgrown man-child would be what I call him.

Betsie shakes her head. "Still, how were you able to get up close and lay one on him? Pop stars like him are bound to have at least a bodyguard or four."

"He did have bodyguards with him. The whole band did."

"Band?"

"Yes, band, asin boyband. Here's how it all started ..."

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I don't have much to say other than the reminder that the story is fiction. I guess I can say there is a difference in how I approached creating this episode as opposed to the others. 

You know the drill, like it? Say something! Needs improvement? Say something! If you made it this far, you're awesome!

This episode is dedicated to Juniperosie and europe_au.

Edited: 03/11/2021