Hey guys so nothing has really happened between the last time I posted and now...I've gotten into a new singer me and my boyfriend got engaged. I'm almost eighteen....that's the one age I never thought I was gonna see....especially not after loosing my old dog Patches......that happened back in October of 2016.....losing her felt like a knife in my heart.......and now I'm scared to lose my best friend......this is part of why I'm posting I've been battling my demons since something happened to his mom.....and when he was talking to someone who's like a sister to us he said he felt like we were drifting apart.....which scares me.....this is the first guy I've fallen this hard for......hell he's the only one who has seen me break down and feel like giving up......he saw that when Anthony shattered my heart and placed all the blame on me......and the thought of losing Juan has me so scared of what would happen.......I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard to do especially when you feel like the whole world is against you.....and when your depression keeps attempting to take over and win.......it's so hard not to let my demons win........but with the way my mom has been and how my dad has treated me very recently it is so much harder than it would be if my father wasn't in my life......I know everyone wants to have their father in their life but step into the shoes of someone who has had physical and mental abuse by their father.......you want them out of your life......and after a incident that happened with him it makes me want him out of mine so much more since I already lost the one person who was like a dad to me......my grandpa was basically my dad.....he barley treated me like his granddaughter.......I hate admitting that but it is so true........losing my grandpa damn near pushed me over the edge......he was my best friend.......and Juan has become my best friend......and after what Anthony did I'm scared he's gonna leave he promised not to but since we've drifted apart I'm so damn scared to lose him.........I honestly don't know......I don't want to lose Juan.......he's become my everything.........he's my family........if any of you have been in a situation like this and have any advice then message or leave it in the comments........or send a virtual hug.......I love you guys.......I promise for you guys and Juan I plan to hold on........
Midnight
