The Prince, The Girl And The Lion (Prince Caspian Fanfic)

Chapter 17. "Break The Wheel."

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Chapter 17. Break The Wheel."

Dear Robin,

So much has happened since my last letter.

I guess I've had time to process our victory against Miraz but, even as I sit behind my desk in my study, it feels surreal to announce that we've won. It almost feels like I should be careful, as if speaking about it outloud will jinx our good fortune.

However, I must say that I haven't really had the time to think about it. Not truly. While we were at war, it seemed as if my sphere of responsibilities and duties were small. The war, the Narnians' survival, that was all myself and the others could think so, in a way, all of our actions were affected by the metaphorical sword hanging above our heads (and not so metaphorical once the final battle took place).

Now, I'm free from the fear and stress of not knowing whether we are going to survive. And, at the same time, countless fears have taken hold of my heart ever since.

For once, though no one has made an official proposition, I am more than aware that everyone wants me to become Queen when Caspian is crowned King. Fortunately, they all say I should because of everything I've done for Narnia and not because of who I am but at the same time, I am fourteen years old. How the hell can I look after a Kingdom when I can barely look after myself?

And that's the other thing. Everyone thinks so highly of me because I am the daughter of the Great Lion. Now that I've had a little time to look into the lore, I've noticed that I'm only referred to as 'Aslan's Daughter'. Not to be self-centered, but I'm not defined by who my father might be. Aslan, as much of a wonderful legend as He might be, was never with me, not in any way that actually counted. Ersan and Tor were. Our mom was. Caspian and Ed and Lu and the others were here instead of Him.

How can I be deserving of praise and loyalty only because of my bloodline? How can I be defined merely by who I am to Aslan when I, as a person, am so much more?

Am I being too crazy to complain about this? I feel like, in the end, as special as I might be, I've always been nothing but a pawn in the game of those stronger than me. One thing is to feel insignificant in a universe where literally every force is bigger than us but to be used as a pawn without any regards for my own life by my own father...it angers me tremendously. So, maybe I'm petty and I'm allowing my daddy issues to intrude with the honour I should feel by my true bloodline. I don't know what I should feel. Maybe I should allow myself to feel whatever it is I feel.

My point is, I cannot truly trust or really forgive those who allowed me to live through hell through my entire life, those who saw me restart my life more than once - each time leaving people I love behind. Aslan, as good as he might be, took me from you. Maybe he was forced to do so. Maybe the same forces that are messing with my life have also messed with His but Robin, I cannot forget that it's because of Him that I'm not with you.

Anyways, I will figure that out. Maybe. Hopefully.

For now, I've been focusing on helping Narnia restore its peace. It's been two weeks since we won the final battle against Miraz. I cannot begin to describe the whirlwind of changes it's supposed. Moving into the Telmarine Castle, gathering the remaining Telmarine leaders and helping Narnians and Telmarines cohabitate the country they were ready to die for if it meant the other group would leave.