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Chapter 15 - Lost

         First of all, I wanted to say thanks to all of you who voted or commented or just read my book. I know It's nothing unusual or best book but, that means a lot to me. 
         Here is next chapter and I hope It's not that bad xD
        Thank you all.

      Chapter 15 - Lost 

      How my life could go from bad to worst in one night? She said one story, one story only and that was all needed to make me feel like I don't belong here, like I should have died with my parents that day, but then again I didn't even knew how they died that day, was it really my fault that they aren't alive right now?! but the worstest part of it was that I have a brother. Big brother that I always dreamed to have, the one that would protect me from everyone and everything, one and only man who wouldn't hurt me or break my heart. They took that from me, they took my life, my childhood, my present and past and they did same thing with my brother. God, a brother. I can't even believe that it's real, I can finally call someone my sibling, my flesh and blood, but does he wants to have a little sister, the one that killed their parents, was it possible that he could understand me and say that I was too little to do such thing and just be there for me. 

     I don't know how long I have cried in Nates arms, but he never complained, he held me and whispered sweet things to me, saying that everything was gonna be okay and that Alex would come back soon too. 

    I wanted to see him, to look in his eyes again, to see the eyes of a man that I have buried in my life and in my memory. My aunt took every photo of my parents away the day I moved in with her, saying that she couldn't look at them knowing they aren't coming back, but I still had one saved in my bedroom. I think she knew I had it but never said anything about it.
    

     She was my second problem, I don't even know how to look at her not being angry at her, cause I know even if I'm hurting right now I have to remember that she only was doing what she thought was right and best for me, even if she lied and hide things from me she did it because my parents wanted to do it like that right? 

   I feel like I'm dead inside. I was sinking slowly in the deep sea and there is no coming back. I feel like I have no strength to fight anything anymore. I should be happy and I feel like I'm being irrational. Damn it I have brother and i should be happy, but i don't feel it. It's like all my feelings are turned off, all of them except disappointment and hurt. I lost my parents, lost my future with them, I lost the chance to grow up with my brother and don't even know should I be angry with my father for being a gang member, or with myself for not being dead with them, or with my aunt cause she was hiding things like this from me. I wanted to scream, but can't find the voice to do so. 

   Can i find a way from this? Can I be same again after all of this? I want to go back to where I thought it was all my fault, Yes I'm being crowd, but I was carefree, I was breathing and now I don't think that I'm alive from inside anymore. 

   Where is Alex? Where did he go? I need to find him, I need to look in his eyes, beg him not to leave me anymore. I need to. I pushed myself up from Nates chest and moved to the door, with blurry eyes I couldn't even reach the handle when I felt strong arms around my waist pulling me to their warmth.

   "Shh baby, come here, he is fine I have a man following him I promise you Ella he is okay and will be back soon" he said while cradling my face in his warm hands, brushing tears away.

   "I can't lose him Nate. Not now when I found him, I can't.." It felt like there is no ending for my tears, they keep streaming down my face. I grabbed Nates shirt and bore my face in his chest, pulling myself impossible close to his body.