Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part twenty-five

Dan P.O.V.

"Dan? Dan!" A pair of fingers clicked in front of my face and I jumped, bringing me back to reality. I looked at Phil quizzically, seeing he looked worried.

"Huh? What?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for 5 minutes."

"Oh, sorry," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest and the duvet up to my chin and trying to ignore the ache in my chest that didn't seem to numb no matter how tightly or how long I held Phil for. The movie was still playing, but I wasn't sure what was happening or what point we were at despite how many times I had watched it, and I squinted at the screen to try and focus.

It was becoming harder to breathe, before it was like a pressure on my chest but now it felt like my lungs were punctured and running out of air or someone had reached out and grabbed them and was squeezing them tight.

The heat from being covered made me feel suffocated, so I shoved it off but somehow in response felt a lump in my throat and my cheeks burned and my eyes prickling and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. 

"Dan?!" Phil banged on the door just as I burst into tears, wrapping my arms around myself as if it would shield off the pain, but it was internal because part of my heart was broken and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

"I'm fine," I croaked out, feeling a sense of Deja vu of when last year, before the four of us filmed a video together, PJ ran to the bathroom after I rejected him and Chris followed him, but now the places had swapped.

"Dan? Please let me in," Phil pleaded, trying the door handle but getting no luck. 

I dried my eyes even though I knew there was no point and opened the door, trying to crack a smile but I knew there was no fooling him. Phil flung himself at me, hugging me so tight I thought my ribs would snap.

"Please talk to me," he mumbled during our embrace, but I didn't say anything and forced another smile instead when he let me go and moved out of the bathroom and he called out after me. "Dan?" 

"It's nothing, it’s fine, it doesn't matter." 

"Of course it matters!" 

I sighed and turned around to face him, biting my tongue in hopes it would stop me from crying again. 

"It doesn't." 

"It does! You're not you anymore, you don't try with us or put any effort into our relationship and you keep everything bottled up when we used to talk about everything to each other. Please just tell me what's wrong, please. I just want you to trust me, please, whatever it is, I won't get angry or upset!" 

"You're angry now!" 

"That's because you're not communicating with me! You don't like being around me anymore, you've tried to hide it but I can see right through you. You hate it when I touch you, you always flinch or back away from me. It hurts, Dan, please just let me help you." 

"I... Uhh... It's just..." 

"Don't say it's AdSense, I had a quick look and you're getting more than what you used to, what's going on with you?!" 

"You went through my stuff?!"

"I just, kind of guessed your password..." He said, looking at me guiltily and flushing bright red. "I was worried about you! But see what I mean?! You didn't used to be like this! We used to be so open about everything, but now..." He trailed off, and I wasn't sure if he was still frustrated or if he was upset, but he seemed to be both. 

"Isn't that illegal?" 

"I don't know and I don't care right now! Dan?! Stop walking away and listen to me!" Phil yelled as I started to make my way to my room and I turned back around. "What are you hiding from me?!" 

He kept shouting but I stopped hearing, guilt bubbling up in my stomach and injecting itself into my bloodstream, going around my body in an instant. My arms and legs were paralysed and everything I was hearing was muffled and I was lightheaded, and I felt like I was a million miles away. I had reached boiling point and my lies and secret were about to explode, and before I could stop myself, I opened my mouth. 

"I've been cheating on you!"