Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part twenty-four

PJ P.O.V.

I would've loved it if what I had to talk about to Chris didn't involve Dan, but in fact, it included every aspect of him and no one else. When I got back to our flat, all the lights were still on and the TV was mumbling to itself but Chris was sleeping in the same place where I left him and it seemed like he hadn't moved an inch.

I resumed my cross-legged position on the floor in front of him and ran my hand through his hair again. I learnt he wasn't in a deep sleep because he stirred at the feel of my touch and sighed heavily, clutching the cushion he was holding against his chest tighter to him.

"Hey," I whispered, wanting to wake him but did it quietly so it was kind to his ears and I didn't startle him. He mumbled something I didn't hear before opening his eyes and peering at me for a moment before sitting up and patting the space next to him.

"I need water..." He croaked and started to get up.

"Stay there, I'll get it," I told him and went to the kitchen, getting a cold bottle of water from the fridge. I took it back to him and placed myself where he wanted me to and begun to feel uncomfortable, but this had to happen at some point, whether it be now or in three weeks or a year, and it was better to get it over and done with now than leaving it hanging over our heads.

"Thanks," he drank half the bottles contents before placing it on the floor. We were both facing forward and leaning back on the couch, so he slid his left hand into my right and loosely tangled our fingers together. "How long was I sleeping?"

"Not long, I wasn't even gone for 20 minutes."

"Oh," he sighed quietly before speaking again. I looked sideways but he was still staring at our hands. "Can we please talk about this? I can't take it anymore."

"Sure," I replied. The way we were talking made it seem we were just talking about anything, not how I abused his trust and what I did tore him apart and was eating him alive.

"So, you and Dan..." He sounded awkward and I think it was because he didn't like confrontations and avoided them as much as he could, but this was something he couldn't just ignore. "You... You're having a thing?"

"We... We had an affair, yeah."

"Oh my god, I knew it, I knew," and in a flash he let go and started pacing the room until he got the front door and stopped, putting his hands behind his head.

"Chris? I said had. Past tense. It's over between me and Dan."

"So?! Since when? 10 minutes ago? What difference does it make? You still lied and cheated on me, you went behind my back and did... that. It doesn't make a difference." 

"We didn't-" 

"It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, what matters is that you lied to my face and manipulated me into thinking you weren't doing anything. Why didn't you just tell me the first time I just asked you? Why?" He turned around to face me and he was crying silently so the only sound he was making was his voice that was getting louder. 

"I-" 

"God, I've been so stupid. I knew we were too good to be true. I knew you couldn't fall out of love with Dan and then love me so quickly. I knew it." 

I stayed speechless, worried that anything I said would make it worse. I wondered what was racing through his mind as his gaze jumped around the room while he waited to get his breath back, his pants slowly turning back to normal breathing. 

"You still love him, don't you?" He asked me. 

"What? No!" 

"No, no no no, you're lying to me again, please, please stop it," his body was shaking from his quiet sobs. I didn't want to tell him the truth because it looked like he was going to completely fall apart and I worried he wouldn't ever be able to be fixed, but Chris was easily able to detect a liar and it would hurt him more if I wasn't open about it all. I owed him that, at least.