Unloved But Unforgotten

Chapter 13

a few tears fell down my cheek but I didn't bother to wipe them away.

I looked at the crushed pills one more time and squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could as I chucked them over the railing.

afterwards, I fell to my knees in tears.

I felt like I had lost my life.

I felt Demi take my hand and pull me up.

once I was up, she didn't let go of my hand, but placed the cigarettes in my hand and then let go.

I shook my head, more tears falling from my face.

"You have to." she said.

I shook my head no again before looking her.

she gave me a sympathetic look and bit her lip.

"I know." she said, as if she read my mind.

she was saying 'I know' as in 'I know exactly how you feel. I know how hard it is.'

and she did know.

I balled the cigarettes up in my hand, making a fist.

I squeezed them as hard as I could.

I heard my knuckles crack in the still night air.

I put my hand out over the railing and slowly let go, watching the cigarettes fall.

I put my hand back by my side.

I closed my eyes and I felt Demi take my hand again, putting the IDs in it.

I tossed those easily.

she took my hand and placed the weed in it.

"No, no! I cant do anymore!" I yelled.

I felt her hand on my shoulder as massaged it.

"It's okay. you can do it." she said.

I shook my head again.

it took me a minute but I finally threw the weed bags over the railing and I watched them hit the water.

she handed me the laxatives and I tossed them too.

I give up. i'll just recollect all of this stuff again anyways.

"Okay, this is the very hardest part." she said, placing four razor blades in my hand, careful not to cut me.

I gripped them, I wasn't letting these go.

no way.

no. fucking. way.

"C'mon." she said.

"No!" I yelled.

I shut my eyes tight and clenched my fist so tight that the razor cut my hand.

I felt the blood run down my closed fingers and drip to the ground.

"Stop it." Demi said.

I released my hand slowly, still not letting them go.

Demi grabbed my wrist and pushed it over the railing.

"Let it go, Lillian. you'll feel so much better if you just let go." she sounded so sure of it.

but what if she's wrong?

 what if I don't feel better?

I stood there looking in her eyes, searching for any trace of lie.

there wasn't any so, without looking at anything else but Demi's eyes, I let my hand open completely.

I broke into sobs as I heard the razors hit the water.