Dearest Juliet (Harry Styles)

Thirty Three: Anniversary

Tour.

It feels like it always does. Constant adrenaline rushes, being complete idiots up on stage. The surreal feeling of all the  people and fans cheering and screaming. They are, as always, awesome to be around for the most part. 

So with the tour on full force, it doesn't surprise me when I look back and realize that the days have turned into weeks and the weeks into two months. It's almost April now, which is going to be hard because April first is the anniversary I never wanted. Juliet's, um, going away date. Everybody is a bit more careful around me, because they all know. They keep inviting me out everywhere, trying to keep my mind off of things. It works for the most part until I get back to my hotel room and I start reliving everything again.

That morning.

"They've got lungs, Jules!" I had said. "You're going to be alright, just stay here, okay? Just stay with me."

The fact that she was getting lungs wasn't normal. Healthier people get the lungs, but I may have pulled some strings. Promised some charities. Helped some causes. I did everything I could and they were coming. They were almost here.

"You're too good to me, Curls." She had whispered.

"No, no." I had taken her hand, sitting beside her, "Come on, baby, I know you have it in you. Fight for this. You can't leave me."

"Hey," She pestered, trying to grip tighter onto my hand, "I'm not leaving you, not really. I love you, Harry Styles. I love you so much that it will be impossible for me to really leave."

"I love you too, Juliet. I love you a very unhealthy amount."

She smiled, "I know that, silly. You always have."

I had to leave then after I had kissed her forehead. Her family wanted to be alone with her. In all reality we were just some teenage love to them, but like Andie said a love in adolescence can achieve so much more. I loved her like only teenagers can love, but instead of our love getting us through like in some cheesy movie, the lungs got there too late and went to another, because they needed used.

They're now with Andie. I would like to think that time would let me forget about that girl. The girl that lied and took something that was supposed to save the girl I loved. 

Loved.

I say loved now.

Not love.

I don't love Juliet anymore.

I loved her.

See what I've achieved? 

That's probably the reason behind the fact that I don't actually hate Andie. Yes, she hurt me, and yes, the news of her lung transplant was a bit of a shock, but she was the one who helped me. Without her, I don't know where I would be right now. Would I still be saying that I love Juliet just as I did before she died? Would I still not be able to speak about her? Would I still be depressed? Andie is the only one who pushed me until I got better. She is the one I broke my promise to Juliet for.

I promised Jules I would never fall for someone else, but then came Andie.

So what am I going to do without Andie on the first anniversary? (which I've heard is the hardest one) I'll be on break then, and I have plans, but when those plans are over I'll probably just sulk around my flat or something else depressing. 

I hope she isn't sad without me. She probably isn't since we were never actually a thing, but sometimes I wonder if my impact on her was as strong as hers on me.  I also wonder how she is doing in Australia. I wonder if she likes it there, and if she settled in. Sometimes I think about opening her letter. I guess at what it says on occasion. A few times I have come close to ripping it open, but I figure that if I need to let her go, opening a letter written by her wouldn't be the best option. 

So it sits in my flat with torn edges from my "almost" readings and crinkled corners from where I've thrown it away and then picked it right back out of the bin. Maybe one day, when I'm over her, I'll open it up to see what she has to say. 

Maybe. 

"Hey," I hear from a place that is outside of my musings. 

I turn to see Louis coming towards me with Lux sound asleep in his arms. I smiled at the sight of her. If anybody could make me feel better these past two months, it was Lux. She didn't remember Juliet, she had no clue who Andie was, she laughed at everything, so she made for good company. That little girl was the only one who made me feel better really, because I knew she wasn't even trying to do anything special for me. That's what helped the most. 

"Hey." I return, moving over on the couch to make room for them. 

"Lou says if I wake Lux up, she'll kill me. So, I figured we could chill with you." 

"Sounds good to me." I adjusted the little blue beanie on top of Lux's head before turning to the table beside me. "Here," I said, giving Louis the envelope I held, "this is for you and Eleanor." 

He raised an eyebrow, "What is it?" 

"Something I've been planning for awhile now." 

He shifted Lux around carefully, so he would be able to open the invitation up. When he did manage to get it open,  he stared at it for a moment, smiling widely. "You've been planning this?" 

"Yeah, I talked to Juliet's family and they think it's a great idea, because this is something Juliet has always wanted.  It's over the break to, you know, get my mind on something good for a bit." 

"Wow, Harry, you're really going to sell Juliet's paintings?" 

"Not all of them." I noted, "I just figured that selling some of them would be something worthy of putting in the last letter to her. We'll have most of the paintings all hung up, and we've invited tons of horribly posh people to join us. It's gonna be great!" 

I got a little too excited when I was speaking and it made Lux stir a bit. Lucky for us, with just a bit of coaxing from Louis she fell back to sleep and Louise doesn't have to come and kill us now. Louis moved her again just slightly so he could pat me on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you." He said, "You've come so far in a year, Harry."

"Well, if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be anywhere."

He shook his head, "We both know who it really had to do with."

"I know, but you initiated it."

"Mate, she would have come back to fix you if I had ask her to or not."

"Uhh," I chuckled, giving in to his statement "yeah, she would have. How did you get her to go away in the first place?" 

"I told her that I would call her after the tour was done."

"That's underhanded." I replied, faking disgust.

He shrugged, "It worked."

"Yeah," I said, messing with the scarf around my head that I still hadn't really learned to tie well, "it really did."  

*  *  *

Um, no letters, because he is only aloud to write ONE more to Jules. So, that's the reason behind that.

Right now my estimate for this story is two more chapters and an epilogue as of right now. That may or may not change.  

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     Maddie xx