Dearest Juliet (Harry Styles)

Two: Stars

Hello. It is such a simple word right? It can be found in any language. It is only two syllables. Easy to say, supposedly.

Wait till someone leaves. Just wait till someone leaves much too suddenly, and then see how it feels to go up to someone new and choke on such a simple, two syllable word.

It is quite hard to meet new people and get out there, when you can't even greet them. So, a hermit becomes a trade of choice. I get out there when it is absolutely necessary. I go for shows and interviews, although I hate interviews even more now. They usually end up somewhat like this:

"How are you doing, Harry?"

"Thinking of getting back out there anytime soon, Harry?"

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Harry."

"I know exactly how you feel, Harry."

That one annoys me the most. They don't know anything about how I feel. They know nothing. Yes, I'm aware that they have probably lost someone before, but they never lost Juliet. They never loved Juliet like I have loved her.

She was just so special, and to love her was to know that it would never be like that again. It would be impossible to love anyone the way I loved Juliet, for I loved every part of her with every part of me.

I loved her movements. The way she walked, and the way she moved her lips when she spoke of something she loved. The way she never noticed when she swayed to the playing of music; artists had only ever dreamt of painting something so intensely innocent yet graceful as that.

I loved her being. The way she loved too much, and gave too much, and thought too much. She always needed people to be okay, although she always needed someone else to remind her that she needed to be okay as well.

Out of all these things though, I loved her voice the most. When I heard her voice, because I knew her better than I knew myself, I could always hear it. I could hear everything she was feeling. I could hear the sorrow or joy. I could feel the anxiety or the peace radiating off the words that flowed so freely from her lips. Her voice gave so much of her away, and she didn't even know that it did, which made her all the more precious than she already was to me.

So, no, they didn't know exactly how I was feeling. Not until they can describe the sensation of not being able to hold her will they be able to pat me on the shoulder and say, "I know exactly how you feel, Harry."

I laid my head back and sighed. Maybe I should have gone out tonight. I mean, everybody else was out to night. Meeting people. Having fun, and being fun themselves. I, on the other hand, am sitting on a plastic chair in the chilly spring air looking up at the stars from the balcony. It was just easier this way. Easier to just avoid people. Easier to just try to shut it all out, and I found solace in the stars. Stars bring immediate peace to me somehow. Gazing up at them always calmed the storm that raged inside my head at all times.

I pulled out my notebook. I kept it with me at all time, but don't get overly excited, I haven't written to her in since the first one. I just liked it with me. I felt closer to her somehow when the notebook was with me,and I needed to tell her about the stars tonight.

Dearest Juliet,

Okay, I know that I haven't written, and I also haven't gone out anywhere. I just am not ready yet, you know? I could use the tour as an excuse, but you know me too well for that to work. I mean, I can't even tell people hello. Remember how shy you were around new people, baby? Yeah, that's me now, but my lack of socializing abilities isn't what I'm writing this for.

The stars tonight are beautiful, darling. I know you always loved the sunsets better, but the stars are just so clear out here. I could have pointed all the constellations out to you again, and maybe this time you would have actually been able to make them out. You never could quite see them no matter how many times I pointed my favorites out to you. Tonight though, they are shining like I've never seen. You would have been able see them this time, I'm sure of it.

I know that it wasn't much. I know that this is just a little insignificant happening, but these are the things half of our conversations were made out of. I miss that so much. I miss you and me just sitting with each other and talking about everything under the sun. I just miss you, Juliet.

I know, I know, that I haven't been very good at keeping my promise lately. I'll try to do better though, baby. I promise to do better, maybe I'll even go out to out on our next break in a few days. You know, socialize with other people again? Actually say hello. Maybe that would be good for me to do.

Maybe.

I love you, Juliet. I love you so much.

Love,

Curls

* * *

Just to be clear, Juliet has been dead for about a month now.

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Lots of love!

Maddie xx