THAT Girl

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I wanna lean on your shoulder. I wish I was allowed but I don't wanna cause any pain…

 

It was like clockwork. Blaine would come over at 7pm on the dot. Sometimes we would have dinner and watch a movie, other times we would head straight to the bedroom. To say that I’m confused wouldn’t even begin to describe how I feel.

It’s those days when he’s all romantic is when I’m confused the most.

This relationship we established with sex and lust has become something bigger, different, more for me. When I look into his eyes as he’s on top of me, I see something that I long for. I know that in that very moment, he senses my emotions and when we both finish, he moves to the other side of the bed without another word and drifts off to sleep or heads home. Either way, I end up alone physically and emotionally.

“Uh, hey babe. Listen I can’t come over tonight, I have to stay late to catch up on some work. Unless you want to wait up for me?” Blaine’s voice lightened with his suggestion.

“I don’t know if I can. I had a really rough day today too. So guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Truth is that I am slightly agitated that he can’t come over tonight. Now that I’ve gotten used to him stopping by for the night, it’ll be weird that our nightly routine has changed.

I remember suggesting to him that we should just move in together just last week. Since it’s been over a month that we’ve been together, I figured we should become roommates and still be fuck buddies but he’s against the idea. Blaine says that we would be moving too fast and we shouldn’t even contemplate moving in together since we’re not in an actual relationship. But he’s over here every single day; to me it just seems logical. But yet again I keep my mouth shut and go on with his decision.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’d agree with him on anything or do anything to make him happy just so that I’ll continue to be in my life. I never thought that I would end up being THAT girl. You know the one that just sits there and lets the guy walk over her. But I’m afraid that if I hope or ask for more than he’s willing to give, then I’ll lose him forever.

“Yeah, okay.” He agreed. I heard shuffling on his end of the line so I thought that he was probably shoving papers across his desk but that thought passed when I heard a feminine giggle telling Blaine to stop messing around and let’s head out. “Talk to you later?” He asked me in a bland tone.

“Sure I guess.” I hung up the phone without telling him goodbye. I now know why he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s already in one.

You don’t know that, Cassie.

I ignore the slight pain in my chest as I stripped out of my clothes and finally drifted off to sleep.

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