Paper Bride ✔️ (Book 4 - DP Series - COMPLETE)

36. Losing Control

I'm so confused. Happy... but confused. After what Hope told me the other day, I'd sort of been ready for Seth to announce his undying love for me the first chance he got. Well, last night was definitely the perfect opportunity. Yet, nothing happened. He kissed me in a way that signified love and passion, but those three words never made themselves known. It's baffling really, and frustrating beyond belief.

My mother's passing is already painful enough, but then Seth has to go and add more pain to that by denying me the one thing I long to hear. I believe that what Hope said is true, but I can't help but wonder how exactly Seth had worded his feelings for me. Had he said it in a way where his true intentions could have been misinterpreted to sound like a confession of love? Or had he directly said 'I love Mercy' to my sister?

I'm actually so frustrated by this fact that something inside of me snaps. It's not like a breaking kind of snap, though. It's more like something inside of me is snapping back into place. My spunk meter was popped out of its socket, and it's suddenly being reset to where it should be.

When I feel heat bubbling up to the surface of my mind, I smile with relief because I can sense the hidden Mercy revealing herself. I'm being awakened for the first time in months. I suddenly want to march my way right up to Seth and demand answers. I want to approach him with the stealth of a lion and then roar at him until I've got his full attention. I want to clamp his jaw between my fingers and force him to listen as I ask every single question that's torpedoed its way around inside my head.

I need answers. And I need them now.

But, timing is once again terribly off because it's only two in the afternoon and Seth is at work. Who knows when he'll be home. Typical me. My emotions tend to find the worst times to announce themselves. Now I've got to wait until evening to release all my pent-up irritation and confusion.

I audibly growl into my living room. The sound is foreign against the quiet of my home, but it's somehow welcome. It's almost like a release of annoyance, and since I don't have Seth around to attack, I'll just let out my disgruntlement in the solitude of my own home.

I growl again, but when a burst of laughter accompanies it, I find the heat in my chest dissipating as humor takes over. This must be a sign that I'm losing it. Or maybe this is another sign of grief... Hysteria, the sixth stage of grief. Is my odd behavior a sign of hysteria? I have no idea, but I'm going to claim it as one of my stages just so I don't feel like a lunatic.

My life has been so undeniably crappy these past few months that I'm somehow falling apart in the most entertaining way. I feel free and open for the first time in ages. Sure, it hurts, but it's almost a wanted hurt. It's the kind of hurt that I welcome because it lets me know I'm still feeling... I'm still human.

My laughter slowly fades to hiccups and tears, but I'm still smiling at the absurdity that I'm creating. The fact that I'm just simply standing in the living room staring at the closed blinds of the window just makes it that much crazier. I've finally lost my sanity and it feels amazing.

Every laugh that escapes out my throat brings another bout of sobbing. It seems ridiculous that I can be both heartbroken and amused at the same time. Where did these emotions come from?

I finally pull myself together, a sigh leaving my lips with a hum as I turn and glance around the silent home. Only, it's not the way I had left it. I'd assumed that the house was empty and that I was free to mourn/celebrate my new emotions in solitude.

Fun fact here is... I'm not alone.

"Well," Shon says, pushing herself away from the wall near the front door and taking careful steps towards me. "That was definitely entertaining." She eyes me closely, not pausing in her stride. "Odd. But very entertaining."