Paper Bride ✔️ (Book 4 - DP Series - COMPLETE)

29. Thank You

I would almost think that Seth had no reaction to my question, except for the subtle flash of panic behind his green gaze. He remains still, composed, but I know his mind is fluttering for explanations as he sits staring at me.

I don't tear my eyes away from him. I want him to know that I see him. I want him to know that nothing he does in this moment will go unnoticed. The fact that I saw even the teeniest glimpse of fear written on his face tells me that this isn't good. He's not about to spill some brilliant explanation for why those papers were in his bag. He's not going to tell me that he's holding onto them for a friend. He's not going to tell me that someone snuck them into his bag and he knows nothing about them.

No. Seth is entirely aware of those papers and he doesn't know how to tell me.

I hear him sigh, and my eyes narrow as I watch exhaustion seep into the lines around his eyes. He rubs a hand down his face and then drops his head, his gaze trained on the floor. I watch his breathing, knowing that he's constructing the perfect way to say his next words without shattering my entire world.

"Gosh, Merc," he begins to say, dread evident in his voice... or was that regret. It's hard to tell because I can't see his expression.

His eyes are still focused near his feet and I'm having to bend slightly to get a better view. But the moment he lifts his head, I see it all. His eyes find mine, pinning me in place with a look that's so broken and so raw, that I'm speechless.

"I didn't mean it," he tells me, and I just sit anxiously awaiting an explanation. He doesn't say anything else for several heartbeats, and I can feel my pulse accelerating with the suspense.

"What does that mean?" I finally say, unable to hold in my words for another moment as he pulls his thoughts together.

He glances at me again, almost as if I've startled him, and I realize then just how far away his mind was. I watch as he stretches his back and sits up straighter, turning to face me directly. I need answers, but he seems so hesitant to give them. It's driving me crazy. I'm this close to strangling them out of him.

"It's not what I wanted," he says. "I don't want a divorce. I never did."

"So why have the papers?" I ask, my voice more curious than accusatory.

I'm not in the mood to fight. I simply want to know what compelled him to consider ending our relationship. If it's because he's lost his love for me, then I can't be mad at him. I can't hate him for not feeling the way I want him to. But he seems so regretful that I'm almost wondering if there's more to it than I had first thought.

"They were a technique," he suddenly says, gaining my full attention.

"A technique?" I question, brows lifted and voice heavy with doubt. I'm not angry, but my mind is definitely busy putting the pieces together. He doesn't seem to be answering any of my questions. It shouldn't be this difficult. He should be able to talk to me. He should be able to express exactly what he's feeling. If I become aggressive and defensive then that'll only push him away. I have no intention of doing that.

"So," I start to say calmly, "you were hoping I'd find them so it'd put the thought in my head? You wanted me to start considering divorce as an option for our screwed-up relationship? You were hoping that I'd eventually be the one to take the next step in ending us?"

"What?" Seth questions, clearly uncomfortable with how this conversation is turning out. We're not sitting close by any means, but he still pulls back, distancing himself even more from me. "No. That's not what I meant." He scrubs his fingers through his hair, digging into his scalp in a way that makes my own head itchy and needy for a good scratch. I kick the absurd thought away and focus on Seth's words.