Why Jesus Is Better Than FanFiction

SMUT :(

Here is the smut its phan have fun im going to go die

~*~*~*~

I never was a fan of bible study. Or church. Or private school. Or any other shit my parents put me through to try and shape me to be a stereotypical suburban sweetheart. But I was a fan of drinking. Or parties. Or trashing my private school. Or at my significant other's bedroom making out in the middle of the night as I am now.

By no means did I schedule my game of tonsil tennis, it just kind of happened. My morning was average, I woke up, ate breakfast, and went to school. School was the same also, I went to Math, English, Agricultural Biology, ASL, Science, and then home. Same as always. After school was different though. This is where our story starts.

"Yo, turn around jackass! Are you deaf?" is the first sentence that is spoken to me after school. I stopped fishing my keys out of my pocket and turned around, seeing a very (tired) familiar face running up to me. I start walking towards them, meeting in the middle. "I swear," they heave, " you can't hear shit." After almost choking on a lung, they stand up and throw a hand on there hip, still breathing heavier than normal, but just slightly.

I try to get a word in but all that comes out is a small "hello," before they start their rant again.

"I'm actually sort of pissed at you. You made me run. Run Dan! I haven't done that since I was required to do Phys Ed two years ago! " This sort of verbal punishment goes on till they look at me and just sigh, letting out the rest of anger silently. I just stare up at them with my eyebrow quirked until they finally tell me what they chased me after for in the first place. "There's a weak ass party at your boyfriend's house later. Just like ten people are coming, so..." they finish their sentence with a shrug and a pat on my shoulder. Then turning away and walking away.

*time skip because i don't hAVE TIME*

Now i'm standing by the counter, my brown hair reaching my ears and styled into my conventional fringe, eavesdropping on strangers conversations. Hearing things about Louise's trip, Heath's drunk tattoo, and Christine's matching tattoo with Zane. Learning so much useless information about useless strangers, but still being entertained. This goes on for a while until the crowd disperses and my drink dwindles.

After I go to take a swig of my drink and find it to be empty, I turn and go to try and find a trash can, wanting to find someone and strike up a conversation without the distraction of a drink in my hand. Right after I chuck the solo cup into the shoot, a hand grips my shoulders and turns me around. I come to face the always giddy face of Phil, asking if I would like to go upstairs to his room. I obviously agree and tell him to lead the way. Once we reach his room I sit on his bed and we kind just stare at eachother for a minute.

*this is where it gets really fucking weird just you wait (my name is alexander hamilton, hamilton, just you wAIITT, WHATS YOUR NAME SON? ALEXANDER HAMILTON -THUD-) sorry got carried away anyways,,,*

He then asks me if I've ever texted my mom, "I'm in danger," turned my phone on vibrate, and then shoved it in my ass.

"Are you fucking serious Phil?"

"Would you like me to demonstrate?"

"Phil, what the actual fuck. No, I would absolutely not want you to demonstrate,"

"Are you sure? I'm more than willing to," He says, reaching a hand in his back pocket.

"Phil, no! I'm not fucking interested in your fucking phone shit!" I say, still sitting on the bed for some reason.

"Are you interested in shampoo shit?"

"What the fuck even is shampoo shit? Phil what the fuck!"

"Oh you just try and shove your dick into a full shampoo bottle, like this,"

"Phil, what the-" I stop talking immediately as he unzips his pants, his peen somehow sheathed inside of a big ass herbal essence shampoo bottle, entirely.

"See? Simple!"

"PHIL! What the FUCK!" I yell staring at the neon orange, citrus shampoo bottle that is half in his pants.

"Do you want one?"

"Phil I am not sticking my shit into that shit what the fuck!"

"I meant, do you want one in your ass?"

"Oh yeah sure."

"Okay,"

"Turn around,"

"Okay, what if people hear,"

"I'll put some music on," He says as he presses a button on his phone and the Rocky theme song, Eye of the Tiger, starts to play through a speaker near his bed.

"Oh this is a poppin' tune,"

"I know, right?" He says as he turns me around, "'Kay, here we go,"

"'Kay," I say as he thrusts with a inhuman force, breaking my pants and going straight through my body, immediately killing me.

THE END