The Fragmented Luna

A New Start

The most vibrant image I had of my dining room was a putrid green wallpaper that was rather harsh on the eyes. I stared at the wallpaper while I sat under the scrutiny of my psychiatrist for many months. I debated whether or not the walls were avocado green or olive green. Either way the color did not suit the room. I didnt like anything that happened in this room; whether it was from Ann's obnoxious prodding or my Aunt's horrible cooking, that was debateable.

My psychiatrist Ann informed me that I was ready to go back into public schooling. I wasn't very excited about this decree because for the past year I was living comfortably within my shell. I didn't even think about what it would be like to go to school. And besides I was not ready for the world to see me and ask me questions. I preferred to spend my time hiding from Aunt Tabitha in my room or in my painting space working on different canvasses.

I loved my art. I was able to tune out my surroundings and paint out whatever was in my mind. I preferred to use a bristle bright brush and a bristled fan brush to get the strokes to my liking. I used darker based oil paints on my canvasses such as; burnt sienna, ivory black, alizarin crimson, ultramarine violet and Prussian blue. I traced my fingers around the edge of my current completed canvas; a landscape painting of the night sky and I felt at ease. I breathed in the chemicals swirling in the air and my mind was clear.

I thought about how Aunt Tabitha cried every night in her room all alone. I knew it hurt her that my parents were gone. Sometimes she didn't even meet my gaze but I didnt blame her. The large scar that marred my face served as a reminder of my parents tragic demise. She never said bad things around me but I sensed her animosity towards me. I was alive but her sister and her brother-in-law were dead.

The doctors claimed that it was a miracle I survived; some days I wish I hadn't. I had these horrible night terrors that left me drenched in sweat and crying out for help at night. Aunt Tabitha didn't usually check on me at night so I was alone. On those nights, when I was alone, I buried my head in my pillow to drown out the pain.

Aunt Tabitha was not a very comforting or warmhearted person but it didn't bother me. I didn't want her worrying about me too much because she had a lot on her plate. She used to work as a defense lawyer but we moved and changed our names. She was still a lawyer but she didn't work criminal cases anymore. She worked in a small firm that dealt mainly in small claims court issues. According to Aunt Tabitha claims court was boring compared to her previous line of work.

It was not easy having to restart in a new town, having to attend a new school, and Aunt Tabby working her new job. At least here no one knew what happened. I didn't have look into sympathetic eyes of my friends anymore. I would remain disguised among the crowd. I didn't want to stand out anymore. I went by a new name in this new town, and that name was Rowen Whitley.

I think I used to be happy being the center of everyones attention. I must have been selfish and thought my parents would have been there for me forever. I was wrong. I should have remembered the special moments we shared together. There was only one problem with that scenario, my memories from that night were long gone. The doctors said I had amnesia And that it was my minds way of coping with the tragedy.

I thought about my first day back at school tomorrow. I had a support system already set in place thanks to Ann. She was trying to make the transition back into school easier. I had already met with the lame school counselor Mr. Peters. His eyes did not quite reach my gaze. I understood; I looked like a freak with my unkempt red curly hair and the large scar on my pale face.

He tried to offer some candy to me but I didn't take it. I know it was a ploy to lure me into actually having a conversation with him. I was supposed to see Mr. Peters everyday so that he can check up on my progress and report it back to Ann. They wanted to make sure that I was fully reintegrated into a school environment.

I was not excited. In fact, if I could blend in with the wallpaper, that would be something I appreciated greatly. After seeing Aunt Tabitha looking so excited over the prospect of me attending school I knew there was no turning back. Aunt Tabitha even cooked a big meal tonight with just a hint of pep in her step. The school lunches tasted better than any meal that Aunt Tabitha cooked. I grimaced at Aunt Tabitha who looked quite satisfied with her accomplishment. I was terrified of her smile; but I kept the grimace on my face and pretended I was happy.

"I made a nice roasted chicken, with potatoes and broccoli so eat up!", Aunt Tabitha told me. I accepted that as my cue to eat, and placed as little on my plate as I could. The two of us ate our meals in awkward silence. I tried not to gag as I chewed on the broccoli with the powdery cheese coated on top of it.

"So. Rowen. Are you ready for your first day at the new school?", Aunt Tabitha asked me.

"I'm excited.", I said trying to look happy. "I hope I can make lots of friends!", i said forcefully.

"Oh I'm sure you'll make lots of friends. It's going to be good to get out of the house again, right?", she questioned.

Aunt Tabitha was more relieved about me going to school than I was about it. The way I saw it, Aunt Tabitha wanted to go to work so that she could do the things she loved. If she didn't have to worry about me she could get a lot more accomplished.

I finished dinner so I started to clear off my plate.

"Yup, Goodnight Auntie. I'm full and I need to go to sleep early if I want to get up on time.", I said faking a cheery tone.

"NIGHT!", Aunt Tabby said enthusiastically.

"I'll set my alarm so that I can bring you to school in the morning. Can't have you going on the bus when you don't know anyone," she said.

I was glad for her offer because I didn't want to ride the bus. I didn't want to see everyone's reaction to my hideous face. The old me would have made fun of the way I looked now. But the old me was a younger and more carefree version of the current me.

I climbed the stairs and headed to the room I was staying in for now . The walls were an untouched pure white that was peeling in certain spots. The bed that I slept in belonged to my Great Aunt who had passed away long ago. The bed was covered in plain white sheets with tough pillows that made my neck hurt. The only decoration in the room was a picture of Jesus Christ with a crown of thorns on his head and a sad expression on his face. The painting creeped me out because of the way it looked at night as the light reflected on his face.

There was an old family chest in the corner of the room filled with dusty old rabbit dolls and light knitted blankets. The family chest was cool because it had that antique feel with its scratches and dings that gave it life.

I placed my only pieces of clothing in the aged dresser that stood in the center of the room. There was a huge mirror above it that I had to look in everyday. I don't like having the mirror there but it's something I had to get used to again. I placed my backpack and clothes a top the dresser for tomorrow morning. In less than 10 hours I was off for my first day of school. Maybe Ann was right; maybe this will be my new start.

For the first time in a very long time I didn't have any nightmares that caused me to wake up in a cold sweat and screaming. Instead I woke up to a very disturbing aroma that permeated the air.