The art of survival (Maya Hart/joshaya)

Chapter 28

I was sitting on the porch outside the door Josh had closed in front of me. I was watching as the sun started to slowly fall down from the sky, leaving the clouds looking blood red and different shades of purple. How comes everything could still look so bright and colorful when everything has literally gone bad?

A cold breeze made me shiver and suddenly Riley had put a blanket around my shoulders.

"We are going to go to bed Peaches." She said while rubbing my arms warm with her hands. I nodded to show that I had heard her.

"Are you coming?" Riley said as she had gotten up on her feet again, holding her hand out for me to take support from.

"I think I am going to stay here for a while." I said, my breath turning to white fog in the cold evening. Riley frowned at my answer.

"I don't think that's a good idea..." She started before I interrupted her.

"Why not? The fences are up so I shouldn't have any problems with growlers and my gun is right here next to me just in case." I said. Riley still didn't look sure about this, she worried too much about me.

"I need this Riley, please..." I begged her, she looked me in the eyes and nodded. She understood that I needed some time for myself for now. She had tried to talk to Josh but he shut her out too. She understood my pain. She got a little whistle from her pocket and put it in my hand.

"Just in case you need us." She said before hugging me, leaving me on the porch with only the dying sun as comfort. I pulled the blanket closer around my body while looking over the world that was left for us. One day this must have been someone's home, someone's safe place. The city lights probably shined bright and the houses were warm. Children probably played on these roads, not afraid that anything would happen to them. This was their safe place and it wasn't able to protect them anymore when the world took a turn for the worse. The children stopped playing, the homes turned cold and s did the souls that once had lived here.

The sunset finally turned into darkness, revealing the sparkling stars underneath. I looked at the door behind my back, the windows covers didn't completely shut out the warm light coming from inside. I got up to my feet and stumbled over the deck.

"Josh, I know you are in there..." I said, resting my head against the cold wooden door. No answer. I turned my back against the door and slowly sat down, still resting against it.

"Couldn't you at least tell me why you won't talk to me?" I said while keeping my focus on the stars. I crossed my arms around my legs, resting my chin against my knees. My tears flooded down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, for everything... I wasn't strong enough Josh." I whispered more to myself than him. I tried to hold the sobs inside to no use.

"I'm sorry, for everything!" I screamed, frustrated over all the emotions flooding in my body at these moments.

Suddenly the door flung open, being left open as an invite for me to come in. I quickly got my crutches and the blanket and walked inside slowly. Dumb as I am I didn't think I would need the crutches and almost fell over the doorstep. Suddenly a pair of strong arms held me up, steadied me until I regained my balance. His eyes were dark and when he let me go he quickly took a couple of steps away from me.

"It's cold outside, you should sleep." He said while pointing to one of the sofas in the living room. I stood still for a moment before I took a step towards him. He took a step away from me again, leaving the same distance between us as before.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered, my voice breaking by the words. He looked down on the ground.

"We... I can't..." He whispered. I took a step closer towards him, tried to take his hand. He looked up, staring into my eyes angry and frustrated but he didn't move.

"What?" I whispered and took his hand. He hugged it tightly in his hand before letting it go, letting it fall to my side. Suddenly he looked almost crazy as a mix of emotions flashed on his face, anger, fear, but mostly sadness and guilt. He crashed down on the floor, resting against the wall. He tried to hide it but I could see the tears in his eyes.

"I couldn't keep you safe... I heard you, that night when we saved you. You wanted to die Maya! If I had gotten there one minute later, if Riley hadn't fired her gun... You would be dead. It's my fault! If I hadn't been so stupid to try and negotiate with them that day when they were looking through Danvar for you. If I had just shot them right there... Then they would have taken me instead. Now I got to you just in time and I turned crazy. Maya, you made me crazy and not in a good way. I still see that man, his face being punched to nothing and I don't even feel sorry for it, I get happy when I think of it! I'm a monster Maya and you deserve someone better. Someone that's not a monster, someone that can keep you safe, someone that's not me..." He screamed, making me jump back before regaining control over my senses.

He saw himself as a monster... He blamed himself. I knew that no words would ever help in this moment so I did the first thing that crossed my mind to keep him from crying, and kissed him.