Too young

36 Hurt

I drove aimlessly for an hour, Roxys cries pulled me out of my funk. I found myself parking outside Wills apartment. I was sat in my car for half an hour before i finally decided to go in. I knocked and entered, Will was sat on the floor playing on the xbox.

"mrs Johnson, hows Donnie, did the surgery go well" he asked as i sat on the couch. Roxy ran to him for a fuss. Will abandoned his game and began to play fetch with her. He was so good with her, and she seemed to really like him.

"things are ok, can you do me a favour and have Roxy for a week or 2" i asked.

Will smiled and contined to play with the dog, " yeah i love this mutt, whats goin on are you going away"

"its just difficult at the moment with Donnie being off his feet i just think it would be best for Roxy to be somewhere else until i get sorted" i lied. It's not that I didn't trust Will , it's the embarrassment that kept me from telling him the truth.

Will agreed to have Roxy for a fortnight, so i collected her things from my car and gave him money for food and anything i had forgotten to grab. I would miss her she was like my baby but i needed to get away and it wasnt practical to take her with me.

I took my car and drove, after an hour of driving through the streets of LA i chose to drive to the airport and fly back home to new york. The long flight gave me time to think about the day, everything had happened so quickly i didnt have any clothes with me. I would have to buy some when i landed. I couldnt belive my husband had spoken to me like that, was that the man i married. Was the Donnie i fell in love with just a fake, the Donnie i met today was nasty and cruel and i wasn't strong enough to deal with him. 

.......................

 I needed my mom , more than i had ever needed her before. I had planned to visit her grave after i had checked into a hotel. I knew she couldn't help me but i hadn't visited her grave in years and i just needed to feel close to her.

I told the cab driver to take me to the nearest hotel to the city centre,  i checked into a standard suite and retired to my bed, I hadnt eaten since the slice of toast i had at breakfast but i didnt have the energy to leave the bed. I had been through so much so young, too young some would say i just couldnt deal with anymore heartache. I wanted a normal happy life and i thought i had that with Donne, not the normal part but we had been happy, at least i had.

I took the long cab ride out to the cemetery where my mother was buried, i bought a bunch of daises as they were her favourite flowers. A wilted bunch of flowers laid on her grave, i felt bad that i hadn't been here in over a year. I sat by my the simple headstone and sobbed, i had done too much of this lately. I told her all about Donnie and my new life. I told her how much i missed her. I knew she wasn't there that her spirit was really free but i felt so close to her.

I wanted nothing more than to speak to Donnie but when i looked at my phone there were no calls or messages from him and i refused to be the one to reach out first. Donnie had purposely been cruel, he had broken my heart into un repairable pieces. If my heart was a stainglass window it would now be splintered beyond recognition.  I wanted Donnie , i really did but i had seen my dad talk to my mom the way he had spoken to me and i promised i would not put up with it.

When i returned to the hotel with the few items of clothes and toiletries i was surprised to still have no missed calls from my husband. He must have meant what he said, he wanted me gone.

I could still see the anger in his eyes, I didn't understand what had happened.  He mentioned having a baby when I said no he just exploded. We had not discussed having children before, his suggestion was completely out of the blue. It wasn't that I did not want his kids just that I wasn't ready yet.

I called will to check If roxy had been OK he confirmed she had, he never mentioned Donnie. Donnie hadn't come after me he must have meant what he said. I could feel the fight leaving my body.

I used the hotel phone to call my cell just to check it was working, it was. I didn't know what to do now, I had nothing. I had sold my successful business to care for June, I had given Donnie back the money he had invested so I wasn't loaded. I did have enough money for a while. I had my money from Nike and the last from the sale of my business.

After 4 days with zero contact I finally gave in,  I called Donnie. I needed to speak to him, we had been though so much we couldn't end now. Donnie didnt answer so I left a voicemail

"Donnie your my husband, I love you,  I need you to talk to me. I won't accept  that were over, we will never be over. I'm staying away for a few weeks, you obviously need some time to yourself. Just remember I love you and always will."

I called our housekeeper Maria to check everything was OK, I know Donnie was an adult but he was mine.

"hi Maria,you OK. Is Donnie resting" I asked.

"Mr Johnson not here, he go drugs" she replied in broken English. She was a wonderful woman but her English was not the best, she had a thick Mexican accent and muddled up her words.

"he go drugs, what do you mean" I asked, I was more than a little worried.

"the lady with purple hair is here,  she explain" maria passed to phone to Donnies manager.

"hi Emily,  ignore Maria. Donnie isn't getting drugs" that was a relief.

"he's in rehab"  Flora continued. That blind sighted me.

My mind was racing,  Donnie didnt take drugs.  He was famously anti drug. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. There had to be. Mistake but I could tell by her serious voice that there wasn't.

"rehab why didn't you call, fuck sake I'm his wife" I fumed.

"Emily calm down,  he told me I couldn't contact you till he was better" she replied.

"you need to fucking explain now"  I screamed, I had never been rude to a member of staff before but she was out of order.

"hes addicted to the pain medication the doctor gave him, they were numbing the pain but making him struggle to sleep. He was so exhausted and groggy that he became so aggressive, he punched a hole through the wall. He totally trashed his gym when you went."

"is he OK,  who checked him in rehab" I asked. I was numb it didn't seem real,  my Donnie wasn't capable. Was it possible that I didn't really know him at all.

"I called my friend at the facility and got him in,  he signed himself in. He's there for at least 30 days, he can't have any contact with the outside world. He had to attend support group and all the programmes" 

"I can't believe it, why didn't he tell me" I asked,we had never had secrets.

"he said he didn't want to see you, I'm sorry Emily"

The thought of my clean cut husband being addicted to pain medication made my heart falter. How could I not have noticed, was I that wrapped up in my own life that I totally ignored my husbands struggles. I would have helped him if I would have known , it really hurt knowing he had gone through all this on his own. I felt like the worlds worst wife.

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