Too young

27 Unfaithful

I sat on the bed wishing that my phone wasn't lying on Donnies floor in pieces. I wanted to read what he had done,  I purposely wanted to torture myself. I needed to know whether he took her to his hotel, whether he had slept with her. The thought alone broke me I was not sure I really wanted those answers. I never thought him capable.

I never in a million years thought he was capable of that , I knew he had the power to hurt me but I never thought he would. I loved Donnie and I thought he loved me, I felt humiliated. All my friends and colleagues would see that and see how he had disrespected me.

The thought made me mad, violent even I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. I picked up the hotel phone and called his mobile, it went to voicemail like I had expected. Leave a message I would leave a message alright. One that would make his balls shrivel and drop off. My voice betrayed me, I sounded upset not angry but hopefully I would get my point across.

"I can't believe I had to see a picture of you kissing some skank on the news, your suppose to love me how could you do this. You should have told me if you made a mistake or was it not a mistake do you not want me now. You don't know how much I have changed for you. I have given you power over me, I went from being independent to relying on you. You have broken me, you don't realise how much this hurts. You have no idea how much I love you"

The message ended before I could say everything I had wanted. I contemplated calling him back and continuing but why would I waste my time. I was shaking. I wasn't sure if I was upset or mad.

I had spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself in bed I hadn't even realised I had missed lunch. I was at a budget hotel so there was no room service, I would have to venture out of the room. I put on my shades, jacket and a hat and walked to the nearest store I bought 2 bags of groceries. I tried to purchase alcohol but without my make up on I looked like the underage girl I was. Two young college guys were entering the store as I was leaving so I paid them to buy me some whiskey.  They happily agreed and bought Me what I had craved. Thank god no one else was here to see me hitting rock bottom.

I walked back to the hotel in a daze,  I just wanted to curl up and cry, once I had eaten and drank a large amount of the whisky that's what I did. I was that woman I hated, the woman who cried over a man.

I woke up with a banging headache, I was paying for the bad choices I had made the night before. I went to the hotels restaurant and ate breakfast in the corner where no one would notice me. I just happened to look out of the window when I saw John and Eric the security guards Donnie had hired looking at my car. I cleaned away my plates and scurried to my room, I could just seen my car from the window so I watched as they checked it. John made a call,  he was pacing across the car park. I closed my curtains as he grew closer to my room. I realised I had so many appointments in for today that I would need to cancel, I had hired Gina as my receptionist so I called her mobile.

"hello" she answered, her voice was quiet and suspicious. I realised that she would not know it was me it would show as an unknown number.

"hi it's me, I need you to re arrange all my appointments for this week. Tell everyone I apologise but I'm not well and that I will reduce their invoice by 15%" I said quickly, I hoped she wouldn't recognise the sad tone of my voice.

"oh Emily are you OK, everyone's been worried sick, where are you" she replied. I could hear the worry in her voice, I hated being the cause of her being upset.

"I'm fine, I just needed a little break. Can you change the appointments please"

There was a pause

"yeah i can do that, Donnies been here. He didn't know you had moved your stuff into his"

I sighed "big mistake that was"

"he's a mess em, he was trying to call you but then he found your phone in pieces"

"I threw it at the wall" I replied calmly.

"you need to speak to him, he got your message he's tore up" she was talking gently like I was a child, like a small delicate smile.

"good, I have to go"  I dropped the call and immediately felt the familiar tears pooling in my eyes.

I waited until I could no longer see John or Eric then I went to the computers near the reception. I wanted to know what was being said about Donnie and his mystery woman. I saw the photo and it broke my heart all over again. All the articles mentioned that Donnie and this waitress had been flirting and had publicly kissed before she went back to his hotel with him. I found myself logging on to Facebook,  it was Donnies face I saw first.
Donnie had posted a video where he was sat on our bed saying that the story was lies that the woman had kissed him and that he had pushed her away. He said how much he loved me and that these false reports were hurtful and disrespectful to him and me. He never mentioned that I was missing. He did however at the end of the video say "I love you Emily see you soon"

I was so angry I just wanted to pound my fist against his chest and scream at him. I felt betrayed I had never felt pain like this, it hadn't hurt this much when Andrew had beat me. Broken bones could heel I doubted that my heart could. Part of me wondered how many other women had been in that bed since we had gotten involved, the thought was too much.

I always said I would never let myself be this way over a man but here I was eating junk food , drinking and crying in a hotel room. I was such a cliché. I wished I had never met him, I wasn't sure I would ever recover from such a betrayal. Nasty thoughts crept in my head, I started to doubt that he ever really loved me although I knew that Donnie really wasn't a good actor. I will never understand how anyone could cheat on someone they supposedly loved.

Haven't i been through enough. How much more am i suppose to take before I crack.

EXTRA CHAPTERS TO CELEBRATE THE WEEKEND