Rilaya One-Shots

Opportunities

 Dear Lucas ,

 I wish I'd never gotten the chance to be involved with you. I wish I'd never gotten the chance to experience the feeling of hearing you call me baby. I wish I'd never gotten attached. I wish we'd never of kissed so I would never know how it felt or how your lips tasted like peaches every damn time. I wish I'd stopped you before you took my innocence that night and left me craving for more. I wish my heart would've stopped racing so damn fast and my Stomach would've just settled.  I wish I would've kept my head down in the hall and I wish I would've walked away before I could've tripped and stumbled into your strong arms and glanced into your hazel brown eyes. I wish I would've seen the signs and turned around before I jumped off the cliff for you because you promised there would be ground beneath my feet but you lied. You promised I wouldn't fall so far I'd fall and break on the rocks below you told me you'd catch me, but I guess I should've looked at your history because you didn't come close to catching me. You let me fall on those jagged rocks and it didn't kill me but it hurt so bad I wanted to die. I'm never gonna get my wishes, and damnit it's my fault! That's what I told myself the first time you left, and the second, and the third, and the fourth, and every single time till the eighth when you left for good. 

   I stayed with you no matter what. Every time you'd say something like you stopped loving me when you left me for some other girl that was just looking for a hookup, and then you'd come crawling back to me when business dried out. Every. Damn. Time. I hate myself for letting you, I could've just as easily left you pawing at my door like a lost puppy, but all this hell? This is not because of my idiotic decisions, this is because of you and your decisions and no matter how I tried you were never gonna stay with me. It was a hella lot like running just to feel the wind. You could feel it in the moment, but it wasn't ever really there. No matter how fast I ran the wind never lasted. No matter how hard I tried your love for me didn't actually exist, I had made it because I let desire cloud my decisions which means I let you in and I let you do things to me and get away with it because I wanted you no matter what way it was in. You just wanted me for the action, you were just simply bored when you picked me up and played me like all your other toys. 

  I'm letting you know this stops now. I'm not hurt anymore, but I have scars and not just mental scars from the hell you put me through. Scars line my thighs and my wrists like obedient soldiers waiting for a command, they don't show any words but they tell a story. Let's get one thing straight though, they don't hurt anymore, you don't control me, you don't stop me from being happy, you mean nothing to me anymore. You need to know that I know you try to hit me up sometimes, but I don't care. I don't care that I see your car drive by my house real slow sometimes, I don't care that you grab the nearest girl and kiss her every time you see me, I don't care that you tell your friends you want me back just so they can tell me. I don't care anymore. I. Don't. Care. You lost me and I'm finally over you, I've finally found someone better that won't leave, that won't cheat. She treats me as if I'm her world and she never stops telling me how beautiful I am. The color of her eyes is like a war zone. There's the storm cloud gray that foretells a dooming future and there's the sparkling blue sky that comes after. I am in love with every single part of her being and I'm not afraid anymore because I know she's loyal, I know she'll stick by my side. I trust her more than I trust anyone else and she makes me happy. I don't care about your pathetic f-boy self anymore, all I care about is her Maya Penelope Hart. I stumbled into her lap one day just because I was sad and clumsy searching for you in every guy I ever saw, and I had this great opportunity and I looked at my past and I saw how this had been similar with you but I took that chance. I wouldn't take it back for anything. Hope your life is hell and you realize what you missed out on, you son of a botch. 

                 - Riley Eleanor Matthews

(A/N)

This was very interesting to write... But I seriously want to thank all of you guys reading this, I have like 13K reads as I write this and it's absolutely insane, to some people it's not much but it's crazy for me. Never in my life would I of thought that I would sit in my bedroom after a whole lot of hell with a smile on my face, the chance to call the love of my life mine, and a stupid little book I've been writing for like a year with like 13K reads. This is insane, thank you guys so so much. You've stuck with me through like a month or two without any updates, and it's just crazy. So thank you, but on a different note I love writing this chapter, it actually kind of made me feel good about my writing . I'm working on another chapter, so keep your eyes peeled for another one but peace out my dudes.

 (Also thank you to my girlfriend, who has been with me through a lot and who convinced me to continue to write and just thank you. You're my number one supporter, my inspiration, the love of my life, and just the best thing that could ever happen to me. Thank you, I love you.)