Hard to Get (Kellic)

Chapter 32| You're Not My Oxygen, But I Breathe Your Air

"Just say the word and I'll go to AA if you think I need to," I said, and I meant every bit of it.

"I just... I don't think you're an alcoholic. I just think it's too much..." he said trailing off a bit, but I could tell he still had more to say. "I don't care that you drink. You can drink, and I don't care if you smoke pot. Just...less," he said, looking at me with his beautiful big doe eyes.

"Ok. Then I'll drink and smoke in moderation, not every day," I replied, ready to go on all of his terms.

"Um, ok... I want to know everything. Everything about...that night," he said.

I took a deep breath, preparing to tell him everything to its entirety. "Ok. It started out with me here, drinking. I called Tony and Jaime, and I said I wanted to go out to a club. They reluctantly brought me, and they pretty much understood what happened by the way I was acting. As soon as I got there I ordered some drinks, but this guy...Oli..." I stopped to see how he'd react to the name. He pursed his lips together and looked to the ground sadly, then back at me, waiting to continue.

"Yeah uh, he offered to buy me the drinks. I told him I wasn't interested, but he insisted and we ended up going back to the VIP section of the club where he was with his friends. There, he offered me coke, boos and fags, and I took all of them. I mean, I was blitzed off my ass after like 2 lines," I sighed, and looked over to Kellin again, seeing he was still following me.

"Then...his friends left and things between us started getting...heated," I cringed to myself as I continued to tell him what happened. "Next thing I knew, I was on my knees, and after that he got on his knees-"

"I don't want to here about this part," Kellin said, shaking his head quickly.

"The next part is important..." I said, and he took a deep breath, preparing to hear the worst of it.

"So, he's on his knees...doing...yeah... and all I could think about was you. I just...I couldn't stand it. Then I kinda said your name, and Oli comes up and says 'Kellin Quinn?' Of course I ask him how he knows you, to which he tells me that you guys dated, and that you... you were a girl pretending to be a guy and that you were just messing with me," I shrugged sadly, looking to the floor. I looked over to Kellin, seeing that he was watching me carefully, studying the way I spoke and following my every movement.

"When I saw you in that bathroom stall. The only thing I could see was what Oli told me. There wasn't a single rational thought going through my mind. Had I been sober...that...this   wouldn't be happening..." I said, feeling the tears budding up from my eyes.

"And that's why you said those things..." he said, trying to clarify what happened.

"Yes. I think you're the most perfect boy-man in the world. I don't care what you have in your boxers as long as you love me," I said, smiling through the tears.

"But I lied to you..." he said quietly.

"No. You weren't obligated to tell me something you weren't ready to say," I replied. "That would be unfair to you," I said.

"But you're my-"

"Your body is your business, not mine," I said, clarifying that I was ok with him not telling me.

"Ok..." he sighed.

"I think you're beautiful, and I'm still more in love with you than ever. You having a female body, does not, and will never change how I feel about you," I said, inching my hand over towards his. I desperately wanted to grab his hand and interlace out fingers. I didn't know how he felt about me anymore though, so I didn't want to take the chance of scaring him off.