Crestfallen ↬ Carl Grimes (old version)

A N Y W H E R E

CHAPTER TWELVE: ANYWHERE

❝You're not a burden just because you need help. People want to help you. You are worth their time.❞

❝I don't know how, but in every way shape or form Carl has me wrapped around his finger like a string. Dragging my emotions through the mud as I try and decipher what each and every feeling meant.

But oddly,

I didn't even care.❞

➳

SANCTUARY

FOR ALL

COMMUNITY

FOR ALL

THOSE WHO ARRIVE

SURVIVE.

Lies. Right from the first word I could tell that this sign and whoever had made it was nothing but a lie. I've heard these words before. Sanctuary. Community. And all of the unwritten words that tie along with it. I used to be numb to the feeling of hope, unknown to this specific emotion and the desire for the certain goal. But this sign only seemed to deflate that passion that has grown inside of me over the single days of being with this small group, yet it made the others only want to continue further. The fire that these people had was a forest fire compared to my small glimmer of hope, almost as if they had some sort of feeling that nothing could bring them down. They didn't doubt this sign in the slightest, only making my confusion grow further.

How could Rick still carry that light in his blue eyes after killing those men back at the house? How could Carl be walking with a bright smile painted on his face even after seeing his dad nearly dead? How could any of these people continue on after the many tragedies they must have faced to get to this point? I don't voice my questions aloud, either far too drained of energy or smart enough to know that it would end badly to even question those kinds of things at a time like this.

Every step I took was like stepping on a bed of nails, the pain seeping through my legs, all the way up to my chest. I knew that I was in no condition to be walking long distance without break, for my many days of self-mistreatment had definitely taken its toll on my body. But I didn't want to show my weaknesses in front of the others. If they could continue, so could I.

Even with my blank face and dry smile, Carl undoubtedly saw through my mask of lies, for every now and again he would tell his dad that he needed a break of some sort, for I never spoke up unless it was necessary. In truth, I hadn't spoken since the incident back at the house. I had broken rule 1, no matter how much I tried not to. And that meant I had more blood on my hands.

Too much blood.

➳

Things happened. Things I had promised myself I wouldn't do for a very long time. It had been while since I last saw the brightness of life seep away from a man's eyes. A long time since I last felt the warmth of someone else's soul surrender underneath my hands as the air filled with the sounds of my victims pleads for mercy until he took his last shuddering breath. The sudden memories that came along with my actions nearly made me want to smile. But as soon as that moment had come, it was gone; morphing my daydream-like thoughts into a bitter form of reality.