Mónéy Matters

Chapter Forty-Nine

|Mónéy|

I held my breath as I looked at my mother and older brother's tombstones. Standing in front of them felt so unreal. I pinched my leg and closed my eyes in hopes that it was only a nightmare that I was having. When I opened my eyes I saw the same thing I did before I closed them. I removed the jacket that I had around my waist and placed it on the ground, before sitting on top of it.

"Wow, I don't even know what to say. I'm really not good at this stuff. I feel like if I talk to myself then I'd be considered crazy, so imma just chill on that," I chuckled. I ran my hand over DJ's tombstone and my heart instantly started to break.

"Oh my God, I wished you'd come back to me. My life has been pretty messed up since you've been gone. You not going to believe what I've got myself into. You remember Icy right? Your little partner in crime since y'all were in diapers? Well we kinda did something I'm pretty sure you wouldn't approve of. I know you turning over in your grave but I promise I'm done with that part of my life for now. I'm going back to being celibate," I laughed. I looked over at the bottle of Patron and the pre-rolled blunt.

"I brought you a lil some'um, some'um, too. I know how much you like that hard ass Patron." I reached over and popped the bottle open and poured myself a glass. I took a sip and twisted my face up as the alcohol slid down my throat and woke my insides up. Smiling to myself I winked at DJ's grave before emptying the whole bottle out onto his grave. I sat the bottle down and lit the two purp blunts up.

"Smoking was all you ever did bruh. Not an hour passed by, without you having one of these hanging out your mouth," I said sitting the blunts on his grave. "I missed you so much. I'll come and visit you more often, I promise." I leaned over and kissed his tombstone before turning to my mother's, who was right next to his.

Looking at her name being written on the tombstone hit me harder than I thought it would. Even though we didn't get along, I still felt hurt. My mother raised me with everything in her. It wasn't her fault that I was rebellious and didn't listen. It wasn't her fault that I didn't turn out how she raised me. It was mine, that was all on me. I acted the way I did, because I wanted to. I broke down and started sobbing loudly.

"I swear I'm so sorry mama. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't go do what you ask me to do. Mama I'm so sorry," I cried. I wrapped my arms around her tombstone and cried. My heart was hurting because everything finally got to me. It took it for me to come to my mother's gravesite to realize I was truly alone in this world. I had no family.

"You don't know how life's been without you. I just feel like no one gives a fuck. I'm alone in this world and mama. You left me, both of y'all. Y'all left me in this world full of hate and hurt, while y'all are in peace. I matter to no one anymore. This hurts, ma this hurts so bad. I need you," I cried.

"Mónéy," a voice called from behind me. My head shot up quickly but I didn't turn around. I thought I was hearing things until the same voice called my name again. I knew that voice from anywhere but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I continued to stare at my mother's tombstone.

"Look Mónéy I know you're upset but let me ju-," I picked up the Patron bottle and threw it at his head, making him step to the side and dodge it. I stared at him full of rage and anger. He looked just like DJ and me.

"Leave me the fuck alone. I don't have a father, he died a long time ago," I yelled. My dad nodded his head before putting his hands in his pockets. I turned back to my mother's grave and placed the vase of flowers on it. I let a few tears trickle down my face, before getting up to leave. My father grabbed my arm and I went mayhem on his ass. I started hitting him in the top of his head and face.