Break All the Rules Timestamp 5

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Timestamp 5

Alex saw more lives.

They came thick and fast and he barely had any time to process what he'd seen before the next one was sucking him in. In some, they were better at finding and keeping each other but, in others, they weren't and he had to watch as his soulmate disappeared from his life. Even though he knew it wasn't really happening to him, it was such an onslaught of emotion that he couldn't easily pick out his own feelings from that of the body he was in.

There was one where he was a poor boy working on the docks and Freddie was a lady whose parents vehemently disapproved of their relationship. He'd promised her he'd make his fortune and come back a better man but then there was a storm and the mast was creaking and the water was rising and he knew, with a certainty, that he was going to die at sea. The crew knew it, too, men grabbing their rosaries and praying on their knees. And Alex had never been extremely religious but he prayed for Freddie and he wished she'd be happy without him.

And then he was thrown into a life where they were pilots, scared and overwhelmed to find there was no glory in war. Instead, they'd found comfort in each other's bodies, like many other men did, and there were nights when it was slow and sweet. There were others, too, when Alex would wake up screaming and scared that Freddie would die in their next flight. The worst thing was Freddie couldn't make any promises, nobody could, and Alex would sleep fitfully for the rest of the night.

But, then, one day, Freddie's plane was shot down in front of him and Alex remembered how recklessly he'd flown as he looked out for a parachute that never came. After that, he never had nightmares again because his own life was worse than anything he could imagine. When his plane's engine was hit and he was going down, he'd felt incredibly at peace and he'd hoped he'd meet Freddie again in better circumstances.

He did.

The next time, they met as children and Alex spent his whole life loving Freddie and taking joy in the small things like waking up next to his husband because the kids were jumping on their bed. He wondered how he ever got that lucky until Freddie shoved him and told him it was his turn to pack the lunches. Alex would argue, obstinate as ever, and Freddie would promise him something wicked if he just got five more minutes in bed.

And, well, Alex made the lunches.

He started seeing more and more lives where they were together and his heart lurched every time because it was something he wanted so badly. He wanted a Freddie that supported him, that loved him, but, more than anything, he wanted to be the kind of man that Freddie would be happy with. That was ultimately what he held onto as he came out of the trance.

It wasn't a slow transition, none of it had been, and it felt almost violent being thrown back into his own body. It was as if he'd been underwater for far too long and he sat up quickly, taking in gulps of air. His heart was beating fast and he was sweating but, here and now, he could take the time to breathe and wait for things to return to normal. This, at least, he could control.

Until he tried to stand and he promptly collapsed, his legs too weak to hold him.

"You're an idiot." Clarissa said, helping him to sit back on the air mattress. "You shouldn't move when you're this lightheaded. It takes a lot out of a person to see their past."

"Holy fuck." He breathed.

"Eloquent." She snorted.

"That was the weirdest trip ever." He groaned, holding his head in his hands. "I don't think I ever want to do that again."

"How about we do it one last time?" she suggested, sitting crosslegged in front of him and reaching for his hands. "I can show you something that's even cooler than what you just saw."

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