Checkmate (Camren)

The payback (26)

Camila Collins' Point Of View

I took a deep breath as my thoughts wandered over the image of Lauren standing beside Keana. I felt betrayed, but not by the deputy, but by myself. For so many years I had full control of my feelings, of my actions, and out of the blue a woman showed up and showed me I couldn't manage everything around me. That consumed me, cell by cell; it was like losing control of my own being. Damn deputy.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

I heard my husband's deep voice in the background as I stared at the movement of people walking along the sidewalk with their big umbrellas, and others with their rain capes. The gray sky poured a thin drizzle over New York, and would soon intensify, turning it into a storm. I faced Christopher's light eyes as soon as I felt the soft touch of his hand over mine. He had put on a very thick and warm coat, and was staring at me with a curious countenance.

"Yes, honey. I was just a little thoughtful about all this."

"Don't worry. Everything will be solved." He said as he intertwined his fingers with mine.

I flashed a weak smile, receiving another in return. He looked better than ever; perhaps the effect of all the meds was starting to lessen. Despite the very busy day, full of events, he seemed tranquil.

"I hope so."

"Trust me, Camila."

It didn't take long, and the huge iron gates of the mansion were opened so that we could drive in with the car. The vehicle was parked in the front part of the house, when one of the employees approached, opening the door so that we could get out. We ran into the house, avoiding getting wet from the rain. Christopher and I settled into our bedroom, he on one side with his computer, and I on the other with some book. We stayed for a few hours like that, without exchanging a single word. My thoughts were too far away for me to play the good wife. My thoughts surrounded the green-eyed woman who would soon arrive. For a few instants I thought it was a mistake to have ordered Lauren to show up here tonight, it wasn't an appropriate time. Because of her removal from the case, and because of my visibly affected emotional state. Performing for Christopher had become something natural, it was like being a character created by myself to complete a story that didn't end. But with Lauren it wasn't like that, not anymore. I lost myself. I lost myself in my feelings, in my actions, in my plans. Everything about me was sincere to her, and I simply couldn't act differently. It was maddening not to have control over me when it came to Lauren Jauregui.

"You did everything wrong, Camila." I whispered.

"Did you say something?" The man asked.

I lifted my head and looked at his face. Christopher set his computer aside as he stared at me tranquilly.

"I was thinking out loud, honey. Do you want me to tell the kitchen to serve your dinner here?"

"No, there's no need, we can eat downstairs."

"Great idea." I said as I got up to approach him. "I think that after all this stress, we should spend some time together." I sat down beside him, receiving a smile.

"I think that's a wonderful idea. I miss you."

"You do?"

"You have no idea how much." He said as he rested his hand on my thigh.

I looked at his hand that slid smoothly on my skin, and then looked at his courteous gaze. I could no longer remember the last time Christopher and I had sex. Ever since I started getting involved with Lauren, I refused his caresses and all the rest, I drugged him and made him believe that we had nights and nights of sex that never existed, not after I gave myself to Lauren. It was as if she could give me everything I needed, thus making my husband's presence totally unnecessary. But that couldn't go on, not after today. If Lauren was so detached and free to do whatever she wanted, why wouldn't I do the same too? We're talking about me, I'll always strive to be one step ahead, above. Always.