In 2 years time.(joshaya)

facing an ultimatum

'i love you...'

'so do i!'

josh looked at adrian... 'i know dude, thats the problem we're having... theres nothing about her not to love.' he turned back and looked me right in the eyes, i felt the fire just in that look. 'thats why its your choice maya. we are both, as far as i can tell, madly in love with you, so its youre choice. me or him?'

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'WHAT THE F**K?!'
both adrian and josh looks at me, confused looks on their faces. 

'WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K? I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU JUST SAID THAT, AND ITS WORSE THAT YOU ACTUALLY MEANT IT! I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU HOW IMMATURE YOU WERE BOTH BEING AND YOU GO AND SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?'

i take a deep breath and try to relax, what ive decided is going to be hard to say.

my next words come out barely above a whisper... 'i choose myself.' 

the boys look at me, still with the same confused looks on their faces and for a moment its silent. adrian is the first to speak. 

'what do you mean maya, you choose yourself?'

'i mean i choose me. im sick of this.' i say as i gesture towards the three of us. 'ive done this triangle crap before, josh you witnessed it all and you saw how i lost myself in it. i cant do that again, i like who i have become and i cant risk losing that person over a stupid decision like this. i love you both, i love you both so much. maybe its just a little too much. its gotten so much that it hurts, and i dont want to hurt like that anymore...' it goes silent for a brief moment while the boys look at me, neither of them speaking and so i carry on. first i turn to josh, 'we have to let this, what ever it was, go. ive loved you for a long time, for as far back as i can remember theres been you, but i cant remember it ever really making me happy. we hurt each other josh, i dont know why but it seems to be what we do, and i dont want to hurt anymore.'

he strokes my cheek gently, wiping away the silent tear rolling down it. 'i want you happy, so if this is what is going to make you happy then thats ok with me.' we both smiled as i placed my hand on his tanned face. 

'thank you for understanding' 

next i turned to adrian. 

'thats it babe,' he whispered to me, 'the problems solved and we can go back to our happy life, together.'

i shake my head as another tear manages to escape my eye. 'I mean what i said adrian, about choosing myself. you played such a big part in who i am today, and i love you, thats why i really hope we can still be friends.' his face drops and i can see tears filling his eyes. 'please dont fight me on this,' i say softly as i take a hold of his hand. 'i feel like in the long run this is going to be what is best for us both. we were amazing friends before we ever dated, i just want to go back to how things were.'

i step back, tears rolling down my face, and i see my two boys in front of me, their expressions mimicking mine. 'i love you both, so much.'

i take another deep breath. 

'adrian, you should go, i will text you later. josh, we need to go back upstairs, its rileys birthday and that is so much more important than whatever just happened down here.' 

i turn around, away from them both and get into the lift, leaving them shocked in the lobby. 

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A/N

hi guys. i feel like i may have dug myself into a hole here. i felt like this was the way the story needed to go, but now i dont know what to do with it. this is why ive been gone so long. i cant think of anything next so maybe you can help. any and all ideas accepted.

thank you guys so much

thiswaywarddaughter xx