T's Hopeline | ✓

26. Maxed Out Anxiety

Tessa's Point of View

Some of the most stressful periods in one's life were spent waiting. From a father waiting for his baby's mother who was in the delivery room to a young, aspiring person like me whose report card was due to arrive at any moment.

Exams were over, way past being over. We had studied, finished all of our classes, I was even given time off to study, like all high-schoolers at my company. Melissa was amazing like that, she let us have some time off because she valued school deeply and wished to see us succeed. In other words, she basically kicked us out of the office and took away our work phones but not our paychecks.

It was in that moment that I wanted a boss like her for the rest of my life and, if I ever given the chance to lead a team and/or run a firm, I wished I did the way she does. So effortlessly and peacefully, with everything working in harmony.

But those times were five whole years and a few mail deliveries away. Between now and then, a lot could still take place and change my life permanently.

Despite knowing better than to expect only a positive outcome out of my future, I hoped it would be a happy one with a lot of love and happiness, just as I had always dreamed for myself.

And, as I was never a selfish person by nature, I sincerely wished for the exact same type of outcome for my loved ones. From my (blood) family, to Chelsea and James, I wanted nothing for them but a happy life with everything they've ever wished for. Of course, there were a few more people in that list but those were the most important ones, the rest would come later.

At this stage, nothing was able to distract me. I actually spent over an hour pacing around my room, then in the entrance and living room, only to then do it around the whole house... Nothing would turn my brain off, ever. Not even my aching feet could do the trick.

My exams' results and whether or not I'd get into university were literally killing me as I hadn't slept decently or at all in over two days and my eyes were so bloodshot that if I tried to focus on an extremely small object or, for example, reading subtitles from a movie it would simply appear blurry, too blurry to be read.

Overall, I needed my sleep, my sanity, my health and cheerful attitude to return. And, for my anxiety and stress levels to lower dramatically.

I honestly couldn't think of a time I was ever this stressed and nervous about something. Maybe there has never been such an event in the first place, I sure hope not. That would be bad, really bad.

I was currently in the living room, laying on the couch, staring at the white ceiling with nothing to do but try to hit 'ignore' on a billion and one negative thoughts.

"Here, throw it at the ceiling. Don't tell mom it was my idea if you make a hole in it, though." My brother, Thomas, aka Tommy, said as he put a tennis ball in my hand and lifted my legs and sat underneath them. It took a few years and girlfriends but I managed to teach him he could steal some of the couch space. If someone was occupying it completely with their body, lifting their legs and then setting them down on top of his would give him some space.

I mumbled a quick thank you, and stared at him for a bit.

He simply reached for the remote and starting watching some unknown series without saying another word.

My brother had always intrigued me, it was either that or he annoyed the crap out of me but mostly it was nice. Thomas has fairly handsome to be honest, the same straight brown hair with a few blonde highlights and green eyes as me with small bits of brown paired with a nice and even tan, a good jaw, broad shoulders and muscled legs. As far as I was aware he didn't have a lot of muscle on his upper body, despite having decently strong arms. Then again, the last time I saw him shirtless was way back at the end of summer and beginning of September, when he went back to university.