The Letter

More Than I Should

—The morning after Lay's party at Kai's house—

Kyungsoo felt his breathing hinder. "What?" he croaked out.

"Me," Kai repeated, grinning down at Kyungsoo on the floor. "You gave me your first time, Kyung."

The way he was breathing would've eventually led Kyungsoo to hyperventilate into his own death. Kai noticed this and hopped off the bed. He took Kyungsoo by the arm and helped him up. The grin he had on earlier disappeared and was replaced by a deep frown. "Why do you look like that?"

After being set on the bed, Kyungsoo replied, but hung his head, not taking the effort to look at Kai. "Look like what?"

Kair glared as he lifted a hand to force Kyungsoo to meet his gaze. "Look at me when we're talking ,damn it." He studied Kyungsoo's face for a moment, as if to decipher what was going on inside his mind. "Now. Give me an answer."

With his lips quivering, Kyungsoo answered. "I-I don't know, Kai."

Scrunching his brows, Kai asked in a hard tone, "What do you mean you don't know?"

The inside of Kyungsoo's mind immediately raced. He knew exactly why he was acting the way he was, but he didn't know how to break his thoughts to Kai gently. Thinking, Kyungsoo figured quickly that the best way to get his thoughts out there was to just say them. "Can we...Can we pretend that last night never happened?" he said quietly, almost in a whisper.

Kai froze as he gaped at Kyungsoo with a hurt look featured on his face. "What did you say?"

"Pretend—Pretend that this didn't...that this didn't happen," Kyungsoo stuttered out.

Kai clenched his fists against his naked sides and the muscles in his jaws tightened. "No."

Kyungsoo looked down when he heard the rejection. "I-I just don't want—"

"—No—"

"—I don't want this to ruin our friendship!" Kyungsoo cried out, clutching onto the sheets.

Scowling, Kai growled, "What happened last night's not going to fuck our relationship up." He took a hand and ripped the sheets covering Kyungsoo's body away, leaving him openly naked. When Kyungsoo tried to retrieve the sheets back in a shy fit, Kai took him by the arm, keeping him still. "Ignoring it will."

"Kai, please, you don't understand! I—"

"No, Kyung! You don't understand!" Kai lifted up Kyungsoo's head again. "You can't even fucking walk and you fucking expect the both of us to forget about this?"

"I don't even remember what happened!" Kyungsoo ripped Kai's hold on his chin away and buried his face in his hands. "And I don't want to lose you as a friend. You were probably just helping me out, which...which is fine." No, it isn't, Kyungsoo silently thought. "I like you Kai, but..."

"But what, Kyungsoo? But what?"

"That's it... I like you," Kyungsoo said, stressing the word.

Kai was taken aback. "I don't fucking see how that's a problem." He tried to keep the rising emotions seeping up inside of him down, but Kai had a hard time doing that. Like...Did Kyungsoo mean it differently than the normal definition of the word? Kai wanted to know. He pushed on. " What do you mean by like anyways?" he asked a little too aggressively.

The tone of his voice made Kyungsoo flinch. What if he thinks that the way I feel about him is disgusting? Kyungsoo's eyes traveled to the bed under him. He must've s-slept with me to calm my nerves...maybe being a virgin was keeping me from being successful—But I don't want to be successful. I don't want a girl. I—Kyungsoo blinked. I don't want a girl...I want Kai. Kyungsoo looked back at the male in front of him. "Oh my god..."