❝AMONG THE MIDST OF THE EMOTIONS RISING
in his soul and trying to regulate his heart rate
and his breathing, paul couldn't help but wish
for one thing: god, i hope i remember this
tomorrow.❞
𝐩𝐚𝐮𝐥...
Paul was with Linda, and they were sitting on her couch and talking about their lives. It was a simple sort of deal, but Paul's mind started wandering down the dangerous garden path and after Theo's enticing silhouette.
He felt like a proper dickhead because Linda was talking about her time in America with her parents, but Paul couldn't focus. It felt like his mind was playing tricks on him and, truth be told, it was.
"Would you excuse me?" he cut through her story.
It clearly caused some confusion on Linda's end, but she shrugged. "Oh yeah, sure."
"Where's your bathroom?" Paul questioned.
That seemed to make more sense to Linda, because Paul noticed her visibly relax by unclenching her fists.
"Second door on your right."
**
Although Linda's bathroom was reminiscent of something that Paul was sure the inside of her head looked like -- a pretty purple daydream -- he couldn't concentrate on anything besides the sequence of events playing out in his head.
The demise of a friendship over a decade in the making, and the eventual and inevitable demise of the two people that Paul and Theo were so sure they had been.
Paul thought that he was a good friend. He'd prided himself on being someone that people, especially Theo, could rely on.
It was all a lie.
You should have been right there with her, you prick. Paul cursed himself as he glared at his reflection in Linda's purple mirror. You should have just swallowed your pride and your feelings. It wouldn't be the first time that you did that.
His hands were slightly shaking as he clutched onto the sink to keep himself from falling over.
Somehow, Paul shook himself out of his self-pity party.
No, no. Theo's the one who got irrationally angry. She's the one who decided to break them up. They weren't even together, but it sometimes felt that they were more. It felt like they had been more for a long time, as he thought to himself, he felt his head start to nod in agreement. He was right and he knew it.
She's the one who has had all the power in this from day one. She's the one who decided to stop being my friend. She's the one who made me fall in love with her.
All thought stopped after that specific sentence.
"Holy shit." he murmured to himself in complete and total awe.
He admitted it. Oh God, he actually admitted it. The love word. The love concept.
He was in love with Theo, but Theo couldn't care less about him. Guilt pinged in his stomach and acted as a stimulant.
Paul ended up crouched over Linda's toilet as he emptied his stomach into it.
Nice going, McCartney, he thought. You've fucked everything up.
He knew he was right. He rubbed his eyes, flushed the toilet and gargled some of Linda's mouthwash (she wouldn't mind, right?).
When he finally came out of the bathroom after a while, Paul had a bleary look in his hazel eyes.
If Linda had heard him throwing up, she didn't let on.
Linda noticed it and opened her mouth to question him, but he asked her something first.
His question was simple and to the point.
"Wanna get drunk?"
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Paul what are you doing you nut
[chanting] bad decisions bad decisions
also i honestly? can't believe that we're almost at 6k reads on this book. you're all superstars and you know that i appreciate and l-o-v-e every single one of you, right?
