Thought Of Everything And Nothing

Chapter 31

Erik

My Christine. My dear, sweet angel was gone.

I collapsed on my organ bench, weeping at my missing angel, my horrible face and the end of the only love I had ever had. How could I have been so foolish? To think, to even hope that someone as perfect as Christine could ever reciprocate my feelings.

I clawed at my carcass of a face, piercing the deformed flesh until my I felt the warm, satisfying feel of my own blood. Thoughts of Christine filled my head. Her seraphic voice effortlessly reached the notes in all her arias. Her small figure asleep on my bed. Her warm fingers stroking my face. Her desperate fear when she witnessed my true face. How I had terrorized her as tears fell from her beautiful eyes. How she had handed me my mask and then left.

I brought my hand down on keys of my organ, screaming. A sickly chord burst into the air, and I hissed at the sound. I stumbled off the bench and towards my closet. I yanked out the clear jar or Fentanyl and pulled out a syringe and carefully measure a safe dosage of Fentanyl that I kept underneath all my suit jackets.

I shut my eyes, feeling relief as the comforting feeling entered my veins. I took off my mask, knowing that Christine would never come back. I returned to my bed, lying on my side.

 Christine entered the room, her eyes wide at my state. "Erik?" She asked, approaching me cautiously.

Ah, how perfect of a hallucination. Perhaps in this reality, she would love me and accept me.

"Erik? I'm sorry." She murmured, kneeling down next to me. I smiled at her kindness, savoring the feel of her hands brushing my face sweetly. "I was just surprised, that's all. I don't care about your face. I-I can't imagine how that secret must've bothered you so. Are you alright?"

I brushed her lip with my thumb, observing the blush spreading across her nonexistent face. "Fentanyl is almost 100 times stronger than morphine," I said, calmly."And," I smiling at the blushing hallucination of Christine, "Several million times better."

"Jesus, Erik, how much have you taken?" She questioned, a horrified look passing across her face. I shrugged, "Enough to know that we had a marvelous lesson, and now you've come to say that you love me."

"I do." She said, looking into my eyes. "Ah," I said, closing my eyes, "Hallucinations are so wonderful."

Christine

My God, what had I done?! 

I collapsed on the floor of the elevator, sobbing. His face was so distorted, so deformed. Those burning eyes that looked as though they could kill anything or anyone. Could I ever escape that face? It was hardly a face!

But, his voice filled my spirit with a strange, sweet sound. In this night his music was in my mind. And through that music, my soul soared.

Yet in his eyes, there was all the sadness of the world. Those eyes, how they both threatened and adored. 

Erik's eyes seemed to always calculate everything, reading before making any comment. He always looked at me and could somehow see everything. Those eyes were beautiful, gold and metallic, but there was a certain emotion that was impossible to pin down, maybe because he kept everything so well hidden. Such brilliance seemed unreal, but, everything about Erik was unreal. 

I stood, staring at the elevator doors. I wiped away my tears, evaluating what I had done. I had torn off Erik's mask, a mask that had hidden his deepest secret. A mask that had kept me safe yet tormented me with its mystery.

I felt nauseous, all this information coming to light was too much. I loved Erik. I loved his music, his strength, and his love. I needed to apologize. But how in the world could I do it?

He was angry, so, so angry. 

I closed my eyes and sank to the floor of the elevator, imagining Papa. I knew exactly what he would say, to look with my heart. I knew that it was a cheesy line, but it was one that had been repeated to me since I was a child. 

I smiled shakily at the memory and prayed that Erik would forgive me. I pressed the open button and stepped out. 

Immediately I noticed the eerie silence. I quietly peered into the doorway of Erik's room. "Erik?"  I asked, seeing him lying on his side on the bed. I walked towards him, and he looked at me calmly.

"Erik," I said, swallowing. "I'm sorry."  I kneeled next to him, looking at his face. I The distorted side of his face was pressed down against the pillow, but I could still see a bit peeking out at me. 

He smiled warmly, closing his eyes and then opening them again, studying my face.

"I was just surprised, that's all. I-I can't imagine how that secret must've bothered you so. Your temper scared me.  Are you alright?"

He brushed my lip with gently with his thumb, observing as my heart rate spiked, and how I turned tomato red.

 "Fentanyl is almost 100 times stronger than morphine," He said, calmly."And," He smiled at me, "Several million times better."

"Jesus, Erik, how much have you taken?" I demanded, beyond horrified. He shrugged nonchalantly, "Enough to know that we had a marvelous lesson, and now you've come to say that you love me."

"I do," I said before I could stop myself. I knew that he probably wouldn't remember this, and I would have to atone for what I had done later, but, damn, it felt good to have his forgiveness so easily, even if it wouldn't last.

. "Ah," He muttered, closing his eyes in ecstasy, "Hallucinations are so wonderful."

I sighed, and gently placed a kiss on his lips. He didn't respond, simply breathing evenly. It felt so strange to see him like this, completely vulnerable, without his white shield of porcelain guarding his soul.

I slipped out, praying that he wouldn't remember me.