Chasing After The PA | Complete ✔

Chapter 28 - Time Apart

Come on Payton, you can say it. A damn smile isn't enough, it doesn't mean anything, He probably gets smiles from people all the time. Just say those three words.

"I-I-" I couldn't. It wasn't because I felt that it wouldn't be sincere and that I'd be lying by saying it in fact, I wanted to say those words, I really did but I just couldn't. Something was stopping me, forcing me to not do it.

I was on a rollercoaster of emotions once again.

Damn it Payton, you're so pathetic.

Hunter tilted his head to one side and I could see his eyes glimmer in the moonlight that was seeping in from the windows.

A tear slipped from my eye again and I looked to the ground once more. "I can't Hunter, I just can't do it. I-I can't say it," I whispered, my voice beginning to crack. "You've had this whole speech planned out for me and I just can't do it. I can't even say three simple words back to you."

My head felt like it was being weighed down by a ton of bricks which was good for me because I wasn't expecting to look at him anytime soon.

Hunter's hand came in contact with my shoulder. I flinched a little, trying to pull away. I could tell that he was taken aback by the gesture because he quickly let go unlike other times where he would try to get even closer to me.

"Look Payton, I wasn't expecting you to say it back and I don't need you to right now. I didn't say I love you to hear it back. I said it to make sure that you knew." Hunter's voice came out soft but extremely clear without hesitation. "I've let my ego take over me for too long and they've held me back from doing so many thing-saying things that I wanted to and I finally realised that. I've lost so many people I've cared about: friends and family because of that and I'm not going to lose you to it as well. I'm putting it out there, because I can't lose you knowing that it was because of me, because of the same fucking mistake I make over and over again."

I inhaled sharply, as if I was shot but there was no bullet. I wasn't damaged physically, but mentally, my brain was trying to build up a wall with anything it could salvage as quickly as possible to block out what was currently happening.

I didn't want to deal with it right now, I couldn't.

After Adam, I thought I was pretty much ready for anything that came my way but I completely turned a blind eye to this; because I promised myself that this kind of thing wouldn't happen again.

"I need some time, "I said softly turning away.

"Wh-what?" Hunter stuttered. He never did that. He always had so much confidence in his voice when he spoke that the way he spoke this time gave me a shock. He sounded vulnerable.

"I just need to think about it."

"I-I'm not leaving you Payton," Hunter said, almost in a pleading manner.

"Please Hunter! Just leave me alone for a while."

Hunter tried again at grabbing my shoulder, this time a little more forcefully. He then spun me around. I kept my head down to shrug him off.

"Payton just look at me, please," Hunter spoke as though he was losing hope.

I took a deep breath, "Look, I'm not in my right mind right now and I don't want to say anything that you or I might regret, so please. Just leave me alone for a bit."

Hunter let go of my shoulder and my heart stuttered. I had a little bit of hope in me that he wouldn't have let go. I heard footsteps backing away. The creaking of a closet could be heard and then some rustling. I looked over to where the noise was coming from and I saw Hunter taking his thicker suit jacket and placing it over his button up shirt. He then wrapped a scarf around his neck. He was dishevelled but his outfit said otherwise.

Hunter noticed me looking at him and gazed up at me with longing eyes that were pleading with me one last time.

Maybe he had hoped that I'd stop and tell him to stay like those scenes in movies or paragraphs in books but unlike the actors in films and the characters written in pages, nothing could ever be perfect and neither was I.

All I needed was time but what I was asking for was an extremely precious thing and I understood if Hunter couldn't wait for me any longer. Yes, he did give me a year but I could tell that he was getting impatient.

I gave him false hope, or maybe it was real; at this point, I didn't really know.

Was I being too selfish?

Hunter's cheeks seemed to be damp and the closer I looked, I realised that his eyes were red as well.

Never before had I ever seen him break down like this, he seemed tired, weak, frustrated and sad all at once.

Payton, you did this to him.

My heart broke into pieces to see him like that and I wanted nothing more than to just pull him into a big hug, and as if some other force was controlling my body, I found myself at the front door with my arms wrapped around him.

Unlike other times, he didn't reciprocate it. Instead, he stiffened and sniffled. I looked at his eyes once more which were blurred just like mine; tears clouding both of our visions.

"Y-you don't have to leave."

Payton, you are being extremely confusing.

Hunter let go of the door knob that I didn't notice he was holding, eyes gazing into mine. They didn't hold the same shimmer that they did; it was replaced by another shimmer, from the tears refusing to fall, gleaming in the moonlight. It seemed as though he was having some kind of inner battle with himself deciding on what to do.

"I-I think it would be best if I left for a little, just like you said."

"I didn't mean that you had to go out! I-It's the middle of the night for goodness sake, where are you going to even go?" I asked concerned; not because I didn't trust him and thought that he'd go out and get drunk somewhere and sleep with someone, but because I was scared for his safety. Nobody knew where Adam was, what if he was here? What if he hurt Hunter even worse than he did to Jordan?

"Look, my mind isn't that clear either and I don't want you to see me like this alright? So I'm just going out for a while to give the both of us some time alone to think. You don't have to worry about me, I'll be back... Sometime," Hunter spoke trying to keep his voice from cracking too much although it was quite obvious that he was trying to hold back.

As I saw another tear slip from his eye, he quickly unlocked the door and a gush of cold wind blew in. It was a big contrast from everything that was currently happening and it felt nice.

As Hunter stepped out, he turned back one more time to face me. "I still meant everything I said," he stated firmly. I could see his breath from how cold it was.

"I'm sorry," I said pathetically and scoffed internally. Like that'd help anything.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at me with wet eyes, "I'm sorry too."

With that, he walked away.

Half of me told me to go and chase him but the other told me to stay back and just wait for him to come back himself.

As his figure became further and further away, I decided that it'd be best if I just went with the second option. We both needed time to think and it was only fair if I granted him that wish. He was always so patient with me, now it was time to have patience in him.

As he disappeared down the driveway, I walked back inside.

I should call Becca.

Well... Until next time... ?...<3