Lockdown

Chapter 14-Bowling and Blackouts

I sit there tapping my fingers on my desk. I really don't want to have this conversation with him. What do I even say?

"Hey, I really like you but I'm going to go on a date with another guy."

I wouldn't call that picture perfect.

I here him drive up so I head down the stairs.

"Who is that?" my mom asks from the kitchen.

"It's Joshua." I yell back.

I open the door and head outside.

"Is the barefoot thing a new trend?" he asks, playfully.

Honestly, I didn't even even realize that I didn't have shoes on.

"I don't think so. But you never know." I shrug, walking up and giving him a hug.

"Couldn't even last a couple hours without seeing me?" He asks.

I have to laugh at that!

"Well," I try to pick my words carefully. "For this particular conversation, I didn't want to have to do it. But it's one of those girlfriend/boyfriend things."

"So," he smirks. "It's official now?"

I give him a sad smile.

"Just wait a minute." I tell him.

His smirk turns gravely to a frown. All melancholy like. I hope I didn't hurt him.

"Can you just give me a minute to explain something?" I ask.

"Of course." he says. Why does he have to do this to me? Why does he have to be so sweet and such a gentlemen?

I give him a kiss on a cheek.

"I'm sorry you had to fall in love with a complicated girl. With a complicated life." I give him a small smile. I don't want to over do it.

"It's fine. Just tell me what this is all about." he says. Poor Joshua! He is so kind and I don't want to hurt him or anything. He's already been through so much.

"Not here." I say, looking around the driveway. "Let's go to my room."

I take his hand and we walk up to my room.

I can already see that he's acting a little bit different. It breaks my heart a little bit, too. Does he think that I'm breaking up with him?

Because I'm not.

He sits down on the floor, propping his back on my bed.

"I'm not breaking up with you." I tell him. He seems to loosens his shoulders.

"Then what do you want to talk to me about?" he asks.

I take a deep breath. All I have to do is say it.

"You want what's best for me, right?" I ask him. I'm hoping for a good answer.

"Absolutely." I let out a little sigh. That was the answer I wanted. "And if that isn't with me, I understand."

"Joshua, I told you that I wasn't breaking up with you. Don't you believe me?"

"Of course I believe you, but what am I doing here then?" he asks. A very reasonable question.

"Okay." I take a deep breath. I can do this! "I need your permission for this. Eliot asked me out and I said that I had to ask you first." I blurt out.

I close my eyes.

Tight.

I feel him touch my hand and pick it up.