Bitter Rose//Kneeling Before The Queen (Elsa x Fem! Vampire Reader) *complete*

Chapter 21 - Her name

Everything about her made me drool, she was so bitter, but at the same time held something so delicate. Her perfect curves, like they were sculptured by the hands of god himself, her eyes so bright, but cold whenever looking into mine. Her lips which I still remembered were pressed against mine in a rough but sweet kiss, they could smile so brightly, but fell in a thin line whenever in my presence. Her silky hair that cascades down her shoulders whenever it wasn't tied in her usual bun. And her name, rolling so smoothly across my tongue as if I had used it many times before.

All those things made her so familiar, so trusted, but at the same time I desperately wanted to destroy her, to make her heart stop beating. Because every time it did, I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into the lie of me being her lover. A part of me actually wanted to believe it was true, another part wanted to remove the Queen from this world and again another part didn't want to know anything about it.

In some way I care about her, but I will always hate her. She confuses me and I hate being confused. I hated her for making me feel stupid, I hated her for making me care about her, more than anything. But I will not just simply accept those miserable feelings, because I know better. I have been taught that I have done horrible things to this world, that I have brought nothing but darkness, and all is true.

Everywhere I did go, I left destruction, I left death, I left the tears flowing and left the blood to spread across the streets. I left all my awful deeds as they were and never did I ever look back at them. Never did I ever think of it other than the pleasure of having their blood on my tongue, giving me some sort of satisfaction in this world I know as a torture.

But all my habits and all my knowledge about how to survive this hell hole of living seemed to crumble down under the gaze of the Queen. Everything from what I have told myself that was normal, everything I taught myself to have some sort of amusement seems to become a heavy burden on my shoulders.

I was scared, I was scared of the eyes of the blonde who was supposed to be my lover, I was scared of them looking at me with hurt, disappointment, anger, every awful emotion that existed in this damn world. I wanted her to hold me, to whisper to me and make me forget about my own thoughts. Because deep inside I know that, I'm forgetting something.

--()--

"I can't remember, why can't I remember!" I threw the black book across the library, startling (W/N) who was lying beside the chair I was seated in. I sigh and rubbed my hand across my face. "I want to believe it's all true, but if my memories keep backing away I will never know." I have done nothing but horrible to the Queen, every time I tried to be friendly, my limbs and mind seemed to be control by another me. The creature that kills and threatens other people, I don't want to speak to her as I did the past days. It was suffering, not only could I see the hurt in her eyes, but I could feel her parting away from me.

Yesterday has been no difference, as it seemed to go well face to face it only got worse by the time. The events were still ghosting through my mind, my actions were inappropriate. I didn't know why I reacted as a monster towards the man, it seemed like the feelings coming from the Queen and my own thoughts were just too much.

I once again had underestimated the powers of the Queen herself.

Earlier

"My Queen, I know I have taken the oath to protect you and the Princess. Please let me fulfill that oath." I was currently standing in the Queen's study before her desk almost begging her to give permission to stand by her side by one of her many meetings. But as we both could still remember my threatening behaviour towards the Queen, our little play in the corridor, I was considering admitting I had done wrong. Her clear blue eyes stared intensely up to me, keeping her blank expression present.