The cure (BTS +Got7)

The Remorse

People don't just shatter, no, they slowly crumble as their lives are torn apart thread by thread, stitch by stitch. They fray, they crack but rarely do they break. They can be ripped apart, beaten, broken but their will keeps them alive. Hope acts as the glue slowly rebuilding their broken spirits and bodies. I was one of the few that shattered, destroyed due to Mark's death. Mark was the glue that kept me fighting, the hope I had for the cure was because of Mark. Without him, without him there is nothing to fight for. I was a soldier who had lost their country, I wondered through no-mans land. I had no reason to draw my sword, no reason to fight.

I hadn't left this room since I arrived at Namjoon's house, nobody had disturbed me or edged me to get up. They just left me alone, alone to relive those painful memories.  Sleep was impossible, every time I closed my eyes the pain returned. Mark's smile, his laugh, the kiss. Every memory of Mark sent waves of pain through my heart. Dead, how can he be dead.

"Has anyone even checked on her?" asked Suga from behind the door, "for all we know she has let herself die" his voice was soft and calm as if death was something he dealt with everyday.

"No, she had enough doses for a while and I doubt she will give up." Jin stated as his footsteps grew louder, "I'll bring her something to eat alright" he was concerned but kind. He genuinely cared about me, about whether I was hungry of stressed. He cared. The door opened slowly exposing Jin who held a small tray with both hands. The tray contained a chipped tea kettle, a pair of matching cups, and a few biscuits. It wasn't much but the sight of the food made my stomach tighten reminding me of my hunger. I sat up and watched the thin man as he sat at the end of the bed.

"I know you probably just want to be left alone, but I thought you should have something to eat." He spoke softly just above a whisper, his voice was smooth like silk, but strong like stone. I slowly struggled my way to the end of the bed, the injuries from the evening before still ached and my hand was bandaged carefully.

"Thanks.." I replied my voice a harsh whisper against my raw throat. He nodded once and poured the tea handing me the mug with the least damage. The heat flowed through my palm and warmed my body slightly, I hadn't realized how cold I was.

The past day had been spent in a blur, by instinct I had given myself the drug, my mind couldn't focus on a single thought, only jumbled images, memories. Mark had consumed what little focus I had left, my heart seemed to fray with every moment I spent alone, but now it slowed. Company seemed to slow the destruction. 

"Can I see your hand?" He asked concern causing his eyebrows to furrow. I complied and held out the hand I had previously damaged. There was bruising evident underneath the bandages, the thumb was severely swollen and throbbed with every beat of my heart. The pain seemed minor, muddled due to the agony I felt inside. He was gentle as he removed the bandage biting his lip slightly. I couldn't take my eyes off of his determined face.

"Well good news is it will heal, bad news it's going to a while" he stated softly as he rebound the broken finger. I continued to stare, his hands were soft and gentle, much like he was. They seemed to emit warmth, not enough to thaw the ice that had formed in my heart, but warmth I thought I'd never feel again.

"Thank you..." I mumbled as the emotions built up within me causing sobs to form once again. The tears stung my eyes as I pulled my hand away from his comforting grip. I didn't deserve his care, it was my fault Mark died, my fault. I thought Jackson cared more, I believed he would protect Mark. I should've protected him. I went all in on a wild bet, I sacrificed the one person who mattered most for the chance of a cure. For the chance of salvation. The end never justifies the means.

I cut my tears off and sipped the tea in an attempt to hide my true feelings, Jin didn't move, he didn't leave, he just sat beside me. His presence seemed to calm me slightly, but Mark was still on my mind. What would he want from me? what would he want me to do? I knew he cared for me, he protected me when nobody else would, he stood by me when I didn't deserve it.

"I-I just don't understand... I don't know what to do... Where to go..." I whispered to myself as I started down at my feet , causing Jin to look up at me, his expression was a mixture of pity and guilt. He followed my actions and looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault your friend... It's just I didn't think they would let him... Just" Jin spoke his voice heavy from guilt, "I know what it's like to lose someone, someone you held so close to your heart... It's agony, pain you could never imagine. Emotions you always hid seem uncontrollable as they escape. You feel overwhelmed, consumed. You search for a solution, a way to numb the pain." He mumbled as his mind wandered through his past, his words were the truth. Obsessing over Mark's  death couldn't prevent it, couldn't bring him back. He was gone but I wasn't, he was dead but I wasn't, and I could keep fighting, keep fighting for him and his memory.

I placed the mug onto the tray and rose to my feet, I was unstable but determined, my knees buckled slightly but Jin prevented my fall. He held me close, his arm around my shoulders, tears sparked sadly in his beautiful eyes.

"You don't have to fight alone"