La Cantante

Boning ... Pictures ... Wedding?

"You two are so possessive of each other, it's funny," Ben chortled. "There's also matching panty things in there too."

I reached into the bag and pulled a string. "Ben, these are hardly panties," I giggled. Upon further inspection, they were crotchless. Oh lord...

Edward's hand reached around and grazed my ass. That predatory look was back. I leaned over and kissed him before grabbing another bag. I opened the card and it was from Timmy and Evan. I gave them a furtive look. They both just smiled sweetly. Inside the bag was a smorgasbord of porn. Hard core shit. "I think I'll leave this in the bag."

"It's for Edward mostly. When you're unavailable," Evan laughed. Emmett and the rest of the guys glared at Evan. "What? I have sisters. And a girlfriend who closes up shop when she's on the rag." Timmy hung his head in shame. Nessie stomped up to Evan and smacked him upside the head. Edward looked into the bag and his eyes widened. He bounced in his seat.

"I've always wanted this one," he said excitedly as he pulled out a DVD. "Jasper had it and I'm almost swiped it."

I snatched the DVD from Edward and shoved it in the bag. "Are you saying that I'm not good enough? That you want fake tits and plastic parts?"

"Tread carefully, Eddie," Jasper said quietly.

Edward leaned over and nibbled on my ear. "I only want you, but we can watch it together. Get ideas...play out some scenes. Don't underestimate the power of porn. Haven't you ever seen one?" I shook my head no. "Another thing to try later, love."

He picked up a larger bag and placed it on the floor. "It's from Emmett and me," Rose said with a lascivious grin.

"Oh, God," Edward groaned. We both attacked the bag and pulled out various sex toys. Edward was holding a set of rubber beads with his fingers. He was looking at them with disgust. "What are these?"

I picked up the end with the tag on it. "Anal beads," I said my face blanching.

"Emmett LOVES them," Rose said with a wide smile.

"Rose!" Emmett hissed his face turning a shade of puce.

I bit my lip and looked at Edward. "If Emmett likes them..."

"No fucking way. There is no way in hell that anything is going up my bunghole," Edward said. "Nuh huh. I'd rather eat a live chicken or something."

I patted his cheek and put the sex toys back into the bag. The final gift was from Meghan and Nessie. I pulled out a large purple, glittery dildo and some massage oils. Edward lightly swatted the jello-y toy with a look of complete shock. "It's purple. And sparkly. Why would someone want a purple, sparkly penis shaped thing? No man is this big, either."

"Well..." Rose smirked.

"Rosalie!" Emmett spat angrily.

I grabbed the purple fake peen from Edward's hands and put it back in the bag. I blushed furiously but turned to our friends. "Thanks for all of the lovely..."

"Perverted," Edward added. "Anal beads?"

"Gifts," I finished, elbowing Edward in the ribs. "It was definitely unexpected but we thank you."

A round of Jaeger bombs went around and we all cheered our successful recording of the EP, Edward's birthday and our upcoming wedding. We eventually decided to head back to the hotel. Edward was three sheets to the wind and telling everyone that he loved them. Emmett rolled his eyes and scooped my totally drunk fiancé over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Edward groaned but managed to not puke.

We hugged The Cliffhangers and Edward was snoring on Emmett's shoulder. With a wave, we got into the cab and went back to the hotel. We had Edward sprawled out across the back seat. His head was on my lap and his feet were on Jasper's. The noises coming from Edward's body were scandalous. I'd never heard him snore so loudly before. "How am I going to get him upstairs?" I groaned.