Victim of Circumstance | UNDER RIGOROUS EDITING

Chapter 12 - Love & Hate

"And what?" I ask softly, praying to God nothing happened to my brother.

"Pius, he collapsed and is bleeding from his nose. He... he... is not moving." He pants.

"No, no, no, Noooo!" I yell, increasing the speed, punching at the steering wheel. "Please, don't say... no, no." Tears start burning at the back of my eyes. Not my brother. Not Xavier. That's my lifeline. I can't lose him too.

No.

I step on the gas bringing the car to full speed.

Xavier needs me.

*****

EIGHT HOURS LATER!

I don't know how anything happened, because everything happened so fast like in a blur. Throughout the whole process I seemed to be in some sort of a trance. I didn't know what to think and what to do. I was just... unable to do anything, my hands were tied. Just the fact my brother was fighting for his life right now and doctors still didn't know how severe the concussion was... The wait is killing me. We have been waiting for hours and he is not responding. What if... what if he never wakes up? What if when he wakes up he doesn't remember anything? Remember me. That will kill me. I don't know how long I can keep up. I don't like this feeling. I don't like this place. The hospital I mean. Because every time someone I love comes into this place, I lose them and I don't think I am ready to lose someone I love. And most especially not my brother. Not Xavier. That's one blow I know, I'll never survive.

"Can you go get something to eat or something? I'll sit with him." My grandma says, touching my head softly. I'm resting my head on Xavier's hospital bed, holding his hand. I look up and smile at her sadly.

"No, its okay. I'm fine. I want to be here when he wakes up." I tell her.

"You heard what the doctor said sweetheart. He might take some time to wake up. He hit his head pretty hard. Please. I told your grandfather to bring you clothes and something to eat if it makes you feel better. Just..." she sighs. "I just want you to... it's not your-"

"Please don't finish that statement, because it damn well is. It's my fault. I was supposed to be there for him, and where was I? God, I'm so pathetic. I'm-"

"Pius."

"...such a loser for a brother. Instead of protecting him..." I trail off, looking up, willing the tears to go back. "Grams, I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't make it. He is my small brother, the only brother I'll ever have in my life. I can't lose him too. I can't lose everyone I love. I..." I whimper and tears start falling down. I let out all the pain, crying like a small boy. A chest heaving, sniffling messy, heart aching cry that echoes throughout the whole room. If I lose him than it means, I'll have no one. All my efforts not break will be for nothing. He was my source of strength. He was the one who gave me hope to keep living after everything went downhill. He lightened up even the dullest days. Just a single, goofy smile from him would rock my world. Just seeing him proud of me, looking up to me like I'm some... I don't know, just the pride... God, it was and is still the best feeling.

"I know honey. I know." She says rubbing me softly on my back.

Silence falls upon us and room is only filled with the distinct sound of my sniffling, and it that moment, everything flashes back.

Everything happened so fast. Everything moved so fast. I was in a total state of entrance-I think-after the phone call from Xander. I don't remember how I did anything I did. I went into an immediate mode of defense and in my world, that's numbing everything and not feel anything. I didn't want to feel because feeling means pain and pain will trigger emotions, which would've resulted in crying and I had to be strong. I had to be strong because this was all my fault. If I could've just answered the phone call or better yet be at home, none of these would've happened. I could've protected him from my father's drunken wrath. God, how much I hate that man. I hate him with every fiber of my body. But I was somewhere else. I was with her, while my brother was suffering. I hate myself for being such a fool. I hate her for always making me feel things I can't control. It's like I don't have control of anything when it comes to her and I hate her for it.