Chapter 36

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"Where is she, Hannah?" I sob, as I let go of her hand.

"I'm sorry Grace you were too late. I'm sorry."

"Your joking. Where is she?" I say, my voice breaking.

"Grace. Gracie, no no no.." Screams escaped my mouth. I couldn't control myself. Hannah brings me to the floor as I sob and scream in her arms. People staring. She holds me tight, making sure I don't go to Mamrie. I did this. I caused this. I'm so stupid. If I had stayed home that day my best friend would still be alive. Hannah and I both sit on the floor, tears streaming down our faces. Causing our eyes to be red and puffy, our eyelashes to be red and our mascara to trickle down our faces. Quickly a nurse sees us on the floor and helps us to be in a private area.

"I never even got to say goodbye." I cry.

"I know baby girl. But I promise she knows she you love her. She is in a better place now. She isn't suffering anymore. She isn't suffering." Hannah cries, still holding onto me. She continues to kiss my forehead as we embrace. 

"I wanna see her," I exclaim, breaking the embrace. I stand up and brush my hands on top of my legs. Hannah quickly follows me and grabs my hand. 

"You can't.Come on, we need to go home," Hannah explains. 

I grip onto her hand, making her hand go white.

"No please...you gotta let me see her," I scream as Hannah grabs my waist and drags me away from the room and out of the hospital. She puts me in the car and quickly locks the door so I can't try to escape. She gets in the car and drives me back home. I undo the seat belt and quickly go into the house. I go into my bedroom and lock the door.  I sit on the bed, my head in my hands, then a knock on the door stops my thoughts that rush through my head.

"Grace. Grace sweetheart, let me in." Hannah says, knocking on the door lightly. I don't reply, just sit there and wait till Hannah goes away. I firstly go into the bathroom and put the shower on. I sit on the toilet and slowly take my clothes off, one by one. I want to be alone and If Hannah hears me crying she will be straight up the stairs. I cry in the shower because that way nobody hears me. Sometimes I take a shower so I can cry in secret, I always have done since I was small. I let the shower run for a few more seconds, so it can heat up. I set into the shower and wait till the shower hits my back. Never have I ever wanted a shower in my life. Soon enough the shower hits me, slowly I make my way to the floor of the bath. I sit as I start to cry. The sound of the water hitting the floor will overrule my sobbing.


 After what I think is an hour I finally stop myself crying and get out off the shower. I sit on the floor for another few minutes in just my towel. In those minutes my whole body was dry. I plug in my hairdryer and dry my hair. I go into my wardrobe and put on my minion onesie, the one me and Mamrie both wore when we did the "this might get weird yall" tour. I do up the zipper and climb into bed and tuck myself under the duvet. There was no way I was going to let Hannah in tonight. She took me away from my friend and quite frankly I just wanted to be alone.

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