the kids at the playground scraped their knees
fell a little too hard
i heard them shout mama
i saw the mums call them a billion pet names
hug them close and kiss their little injuries
i watched with the bitter envy that i fought inside
the bitter envy i could not accept i felt so strongly
that i would wake up in the middle of the night
with the taste of it on my tongue
do you know why i never called you
by the name mother?
or mom or mama or mommy?
it was just bonnie
like I was never sweetie
or baby or honey or even zanne
i was just suzanne
you sat there on the park bench
your face lost, your head in the clouds
and you feet in mid-air
i fell and although nothing bled
i swear i saw stars and my head spun
my eyes brimmed with tears and i only screamed
calling out to my mother was something unknown
do you remember that day mommy
when you pulled up a screaming child
dusted off the dirt and your cheeks flushed red
from embarrassment and shame
told me to suck it up, i wasn't injured
but i was hurt 'mommy'
or should i write like i say
bonnie
