Faint sounds (Kousei x Kaori fanfic)

Chapter 7: Blood

Kousei P.O.V

I caught Tsubaki staring at me I reddened as I looked away. We haven't approached one another since her confession, I wanted to give her time alone before initiating our usual conversations again. Cruel...

Watari came running towards me and started entertaining me with his stories. I chuckled as he spoke about Keiko-san.

I suddenly remembered a memory about my mother. Silently sitting on the chair watching time go by, a memory blurred and sharpened a bit... But instead of mother sitting, it was me.

I felt sick, Watari continued to blabber about his chicks. Hatori-sensei called for Tsubaki, but it seems like she didn't notice at all.I dosed myself with medicine and stood up, I slipped and lost balance again and fell.

"KOUSEI!" Called Watari

My sight became hazy, the pain was starting to build up. I lifted my palm signaling him to stop.

"I'll go to the infirmary by myself," I whispered

He nodded slightly, I rested for the whole lunch break. Again I met up with Kaori, we were more awkward now than before. She asked me about my day and how I was doing, I avoided eye contact with her.

"Are you still mad at me for not telling you?" She asked

"Yeah," 

"Sorry, I feel so conflicted right now because of Seto-san the stress about choose another high school is stressing me out, especially leaving Tsubaki," I explained

"Who's Seto?" Asked Kaori

I looked at her weirdly, I'm pretty sure the met back in the competition. I told her about Seto but she had no clue of her. Maybe I was wrong, she didn't have the slightest memory of her.

"Well, nevermind then. I haven't see Nagi for a long time as well, I wonder how she is" I uttered

"Nagi? Is it that girl with the short brown curly hair?" She questioned 

I shook my head, what... I spoke about her before, she should remember her. But she described Tsubaki instead, I corrected her and she just nodded.  I didn't know if I should let this slip or be bothered, but in the end, I forgot about it. 

I woke up, again feeling sick and tired. My body was growing weaker each time I woke up, but I knew I still had time.

"Confess...." A warm whisper said 

I analyzed the room, no one was here apart from me. My face reddened, I sighed and stared at my hands. For a split second, my palms and fingers were covered in fresh blood. Not again, I wiped my tears, death is coming. 

"Do you want to die?" Uttered a voice

I looked behind me it was Rei, he l gazed at me coldly and jumped into the infirmary, he grabbed a chair and sat towards me, he was waiting for my answer. Do I? 

"I don't know," I replied

He lightly chuckled and unbuttoned his shirt open to reveal a scar on the left side of his chest. Heart surgery? I jolted in surprise

"Yeah, you and I have the same problem, we both have heart problems,"

"No wonder," I uttered 

 Rei smiled, he knew the hardship I was going through. The pain the would engulf my body and the burdens I had to carry to keep this secret. I sat up slowly and carefully, it wouldn't hurt to tell him my dreams right? 

He'd probably just laugh it off calling you mad at the end 

I shook my head and massaged my temples, I ran my fingers through my sweaty, raven hair. He seemed to have noticed and asked if I was okay, 'What did I have to lose if I told him anyways?' 

"I... Just have some worries," I replied

 "You wanna talk about 'em?" He asked 

I slightly nodded my head, but I knew my insides were screaming I'd regret it, in the end, I explained the whole thing. How I fell in love with Kaori, how she died and how I started dreaming about her. 

Silence enveloped the room. 

.

.

.

"You're just mad," 

What did I expect?  I broke our eye contact and stared at the creamy white sheet 

"Is what You assume I'd say," He added

"You probably think I am," I muttered 

He shook his head and smiled but he suddenly changed his expression to a cold and serious. 

"Listen, you have to forget about her, those dreams are killing you to the core," He explained 

My lips parted, I dilated towards him. My insides were screaming that it wasn't it fair, but I kept silent and pushed that thought away. I clenched my fist and I a tear dropped from my eyes. 

"I miss her to death, God knows how much I suffered emotionally because of her. Being physically weak is no match to my traumatizing past that's haunted me this past year!" I hissed 

What did I expect from him? Understanding? He's the same as Tsubaki and Watari, not giving a damn about my feelings offering false hope and looking at the bright side, demanding me to forget about Kaori. 

I lifted my palm and gazed my eyes, 

Blood 

Again my hands were covered with fresh blood, it was smeared across my hands, my hands shook violently. That sight disappeared in a few moments, I took a deep breath and straightened my back, wiped my tears and gave my attention to Rei, waiting for him to utter a reply.

"Trust me, it will help you," He said bluntly

"How could I trust you, I just met you," I hissed in a cold tone 

His eyes softened and he drew sorrowful, smile on his face, guilt immediately crawled up my spine. 

"You're right, what am I doing here anyways. I don't even know why I considered helping you, forgive me..." He trailed off and left the room quietly. 

I wanted to call him back, I wanted to apologize, I just wanted to be understood. I let my emotions get to me, 'He deserved it, he was at fault, not you' I couldn't explain what I saw, it was a shadow that slowly caressed my face, an evil grin drew up its face, it left in a split second. I produced no tears.

"I'm tired of crying," I whispered 

My view of this world slowly became monotone, it's colors started to fade. I'm on the verge of giving up on living, I sighed and left the infirmary. 

It was that day that I became someone who he was not. I heard a soft murmur, 

"Goodbye Arima Kousei,"