Of Wildflowers and Gunpowder

Chapter 21

"Time to wake up, Lou. We're at camp now," Benjamin said, trying to wake me as gently as he could. I grimaced in pain as I sat up and held the back of my head where it had been smashed against the ground. I knew I looked even worse than I felt.
     Benjamin refrained from touching me in public as we walked the short distance to the headquarters tent and I kept my head low and tried not to attract any attention. Washington was surrounded by other generals hunched over a map, but he dismissed them all quickly and curtly when he saw me.
     "Miss Adams," he said, concern all over his face as he approached me, "what ever happened to you?" I pulled back instinctively when he reached for my hand to greet me. "Nothing, sir, I just...fell. Here is all the information I retrieved," I replied, my voice quavering as I gave him the parchment.
     "Don't tell me-"
     Benjamin pursed his lips and I looked away, swallowing back tears of shame. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry." True sympathy was evident in his countenance but I felt disgusting even being in the same room as him.
     "No, Miss Adams, I am sorry," the General replied, "I should have never asked you to go into the city alone. And this," he brandished the paper I had given him, "is too much to have required of you. I am forever indebted to you, once again."
     A single tear rolled down my face and I took a deep breath, shaking my head and forcing a smile.
     "Thank you for understanding, sir. I will be alright, I'm sure. Please do not worry about taking care of me; a battle is just what I need to get my mind off of this. Major Tallmadge saved my life, though. Perhaps he could get an extra ration or something for that," Benjamin scoffed a little as I continued, "And I would like to personally reassure you that the British are oblivious to your presence here in Yorktown. They are convinced that you plan to siege Manhattan, thanks to Mr. Armistead's work here with Lieutenant-General Cornwallis. I spoke with both of them myself."
     Washington raised his eyebrows. "You met Cornwallis?" I nodded. "Everything he said is on that piece of paper." Benjamin winked at me with a small smile.
     "I could never thank you enough for your sacrifice, Miss Adams. After all you've endured, you never cease to impress me with your determination and skill at whatever you do. If there is anything you need before we leave for battle in the morning, please tell me." He bowed deeply and I curtsied, taking Benjamin's arm as he led me out of the tent.
     "You are so brave, Louisa. Do you know that? I've never met anyone as courageous as you," he whispered into my ear as we began the walk to my tent.
"I don't feel very brave, Ben," I muttered as I shrank away from the curious stares of onlookers, "That was the most terrible thing I've ever done."
     "I don't know if you already heard this," he told me, trying to change the subject, "but Lafayette left a few hours ago with his troops to corner the Tories while the French navy attacks from the water. You will follow my dragoon regiment early tomorrow morning to take the fort, so get some sleep while you can."
     Once inside my tent, he helped set out my medical supplies while I removed my gown down to my shift and stays.
     "I hope you don't plan on using this washbasin tonight," I muttered, wiping the blood and dirt from my face and throat with a rag. Ben cocked his head the way he always did and gave me a smirk, draping my dirty clothes over a chair.
Collapsing in exhaustion on my bed, I reached over and spun the small globe on the table beside me absentmindedly.
   "Do you think we'll survive tomorrow?" I asked softly, wincing in pain as I slipped under the blankets. Benjamin knelt beside me and brushed a wisp of hair from my face, a solemn expression on his face.
     "Don't worry about tomorrow, love. Think about how much you'll learn tomorrow, how many lives you will save, how it will occupy your mind from the evils you have suffered."  
     He sighed and continued, "Think about freedom, Louisa! Think about our wedding. Where would you like to have it? I know of a house in Litchfield, Connecticut we could buy when we are married; just forty miles north of where you used to live! It's made of white wood with three stories, much like your father's house. We could put a beautiful marble fireplace in our room and you could fill the house with flowers. Imagine decorating for a child, Louisa! How wonderful it will be to live in peace and security again, don't you agree?"
     I smiled at his excitement and ran a finger along the stubble on his chin. "You certainly have a way of making me happy, Benjamin...even in the worst times." I noticed tears well up in his eyes and I pulled him into my arms, letting my own tears fall.
     "I love you too much to let you die tomorrow, Louisa," he cried, "Please don't leave me, you're all I have. I already hate myself for what happened today and I know I can't do this without you."
     I pressed my forehead against his and whispered, "I won't leave you without a fight. I promise." He kissed me on the top of my head and stood to his feet, saying, "Go to sleep, love, I'll wake you in the morning."
     He squeezed my hand before heading towards the door of the tent but I called out, "Benjamin? Can you stay for just a little while? I just...I don't want to be alone."
     He smiled. "Of course. I can get plenty of work done here at your desk and I won't let anyone come in."
    "Thank you," I breathed before falling fast asleep.