Of Wildflowers and Gunpowder

Chapter 18

I leaned back against the trunks in a wagon, pulling the woolen blanket around my shoulders and gazing up at the bitter night sky. The stars looked like scattered flour across the darkness, unhindered by the lights of candles or lanterns like they were in York City or Philadelphia.
Crickets chirped along with the pattering of horse hooves and the low murmuring of restless and exhausted voices. We had only stopped twice in the past four days and the whole company was ready for this long march to be over.
     I was thirsty and starved, usually giving away my rations to the other women who needed it most. I had been in situations like this before, they hadn't.
Shivers had begun to constantly seize my body and my only goal was to keep myself conscious and moving...I wasn't sure how well I could fight off hypothermia.
     The death of Nathan Hale, my close encounter with execution, and capture of Abigail haunted my thoughts constantly.
We all knew how great the risk was when we agreed to be a part of the revolution. It was obvious. But nothing could prepare someone for the pit in their stomach when they realize they have run out of options.
The realization that they wouldn't ever report to Washington again and that they had truly been forced to sacrifice everything for freedom. My heart broke for Abigail. Our Agent 355, the woman who had done so much for this cause, was now suffering in the death ship alone.
     "Miss Louisa Adams?" I heard someone whisper behind me. I sat up and turned around to find a soldier on a horse, a folded letter in his hand. "Sorry to disturb you," he said, "but this is from General Washington. He requested that I give it to you right away."
     My mind raced but I accepted the piece of parchment graciously. When he was gone, I ripped open the seal and reached for a lantern.

Miss Louisa Adams,
I am writing to request a meeting in my quarters immediately following our arrival at Yorktown, concerning an assignment I have for you. We should come upon the city by noon tomorrow if we continue at this pace. I hope you are doing well and that this trip has not been unreasonably miserable for you and the other women and children. Thank you for your service to me and this army, I hope to see you tomorrow.
Genl. Wash. 1781
I was intrigued. Why would Washington want to send me with an assignment, especially considering the fact that I didn't even know why we had left West Point in the first place. Nevertheless, I was ready to do something meaningful.

"Ah, Mademoiselle! It is good to see that you survived the march," The Marquis de Lafayette said jokingly as he opened the tent flap for me into Washington's headquarters.
     Before I went inside, I caught a glimpse of one of the prostitutes who had harassed me earlier tending a fire, a smug grin on her face. There was no salvaging my reputation now.
     "General Washington," I said with a smile as he bowed to kiss my hand, "thank you for bringing me here, although I must admit I am curious." He motioned for me to sit in a chair across from him and he dismissed Lafayette with a simple nod.
       "Thank you for coming, Miss Adams. I have an assignment for you that is of the utmost importance, concerning the attack that is imminent...which I am sure you already know about."
      A thousand thoughts ran through my mind but I answered, "An attack, sir? I am afraid I do not know what you are talking about." He cocked his head in surprise and and asked, "Did Major Tallmadge not mention it to you? It was not a secret I intended to keep from you!"
     My face grew hot with humiliation but I bit my tongue as he explained, "Monsieur Francois, Count de Grasse has departed from St. Domingue and is heading towards the Chesapeake Bay with the French fleet. As you know, General Cornwallis suffered a defeat in Wilmington, North Carolina earlier this year and he has since then moved his base to Yorktown. The Marquis is setting off tomorrow night with 5,000 Continental troops to stop Cornwallis from escaping when the French come by sea. When we have them surrounded, our troops will attempt to storm the fort and hopefully capture Yorktown. We either lose our lives or win this war."
     I was stunned. How could Benjamin have kept this from me?
     "So," Washington continued, "I have called you here for two reasons. The first is to ask you to be a field doctor for us. That is, you would be our doctor on the front lines. Miss Adams, you are perhaps the best surgeon we have and certainly the most daring. It would be dangerous and there is a chance you might not make it out alive- which is why I am asking you instead of giving orders- but you would be doing this army a great service. I understand if you do not accept."
     A field doctor, I thought incredulously. I had  hoped for an opportunity like this for so long but I never believed it would happen. Women simply weren't allowed to be in such positions, and even most men refused to take on such a dangerous job. But medicine was my job, and it was one I didn't take lightly.
      To have this chance would be a learning experience I couldn't get elsewhere, no matter how many anatomy pamphlets I read or letters I exchanged with condescending surgeons in Philadelphia who resented my eagerness to improve.
     "I would love to be a field doctor, sir," I answered, my voice weak with emotion. He smiled. "Wonderful! Now, concerning my other assignment. At this very moment, the city of Yorktown is crawling with British officers. I would like to send you into the city undercover to scope out the area. You simply must mingle with the officers in taverns or boarding houses, much like you have done in the past in York City. Find out how much their superiors have told them, the number of men they have, what they know about our presence here, and other things that you believe may be of interest to me. We have some patriots in the city who are aware that you are coming so they will find you. You will then meet Major Tallmadge somewhere, relay the information to him, and he will deliver it to me while you- if possible-keep your cover until I send for you. You have been in places like this before; you know the dangers you'll face as a woman there. I don't want to make you do anything you aren't comfortable doing. So what do you think?"
     I took a deep breath. "I can do this, General. I know the risks, and I appreciate your concern more than you know...but this is important to the Revolution. It would be an honor. Does Benjamin know about his yet? When would I leave?"
"I had hoped you would leave this evening and spend the night in a boardinghouse. I have arranged to meet with the Major as soon as we are done here. Since I suppose he won't be enthusiastic about you putting yourself in such danger, I will not let him forbid you from going. That is, if you truly want to do this." I nodded.
"Thank you, Miss Adams. Now you ought to get ready; you have a long night and day ahead of you. I'll send a carriage for you to ride into the city later tonight. You are free to go. And please, Miss Louisa, be careful." I smiled and replied, "I will. Thank you sir."
Back in my own tent, I changed from my woolen gown and apron into the nicest silk gown I owned. Styling my hair into high rolls, I thought about everything I had just learned. How could Benjamin have kept the battle plan from me?
I finished getting ready and walked out to the top of a hill overlooking the Chesapeake Bay and the city of Yorktown. The cold wind blew my cloak around violently as I sat down in the frozen grass.
"Louisa," I heard Benjamin say behind me, "you can't do this. You can't put yourself in this danger." He sat beside me and tried to meet my eyes, but I kept my gaze forward, fighting back tears.
"When did you plan to tell me?" I cried, "Were you just going to run off to the most dangerous battle we have ever faced and not say goodbye? Is this why you have been ignoring me?"
"Louise, I-I didn't want you to get hurt by me. It seems almost impossible that I'll make it out of this war alive. It will be harder for you to lose someone you love....so was trying to soften the blow." He was earnest and apologetic, desperate to explain himself.
"I'm always going to love you," I cried, nuzzling against his arm, "and I'm not going to lose you. I know it. I'll be on the battlefield with you now, and heaven knows I'll die before letting anyone hurt you." He took my hands in his, pulling me to my feet with an anxious breath.
     "Louisa, I want you to be my wife. I know that we may never be married or even live to see the sunset tomorrow, but I am desperately, hopelessly, madly in love with everything about you. I know we fight like school children, and I am certainly not the man you deserve but I need you. You make me into a good soldier and friend and leader, you listen to me and tell me when I am wrong, you pressure me into doing what's right even when that is the last thing I want to do, and you are the most valiant and lovely woman I know. Will you marry me, Louisa? Please say yes."
     Tears of joy streamed down my face and I nodded emphatically, letting him pull me into his arms. We fell to our knees, still holding each other, and he whispered into my hair, "I don't ever want to let you go."
He held my face in his hands and smiled. "If we both make it through this war, let us marry the very day that peace has been made."
     I laughed. "You do not know how long I have waited for you to say those words."
"And you don't know how long I've waited to say them," he replied softly, brushing a stray piece of hair from my face, "when I invited you to take a walk with me after my meeting with Washington, I was planning to propose then. But, with the news of the battle and Agent 355's capture, I was too scared. I didn't want to get your hopes up that we would survive this war only to be shot in battle a few days later. I'm so sorry, Louisa."
     I waved a hand dismissively and stood to my feet as a carriage pulled up at the foot of the hill. "No need to apologize, Ben. You were probably right. I just," I paused, "don't want you to worry about me. Don't shy away from danger because you want to keep me safe. That isn't what I want, and I certainly won't be avoiding danger tonight. We do this together."
He nodded, linking his arm in mine and leading me to the carriage. "I'll see you tomorrow, my love," he said, kissing the top of my head and looking me over with a smile, "I am so excited to be your husband."
Before the door was shut, I squeezed his hand, whispering, "I'll meet you on the steps of the courthouse at three o'clock tomorrow. If I'm not there, go back and tell Washington I've been captured; you may need to come up with another plan if that happens-"
     "Louisa, stop," he interrupted, "If you are captured, I will tear apart every brick and stone in that city before I leave without you. Stay safe, I love you." The door closed and he watched as the carriage drove away from the camp.
     I wanted to dance for joy and cry at the same time. Sitting alone in the elaborate carriage, I wondered how the happiest moment of my life, the day I'd been waiting and hoping for for years, could be the same day I would put myself in the worst situation of my life. As a general rule, spies don't have much to live for. In that moment, I knew I was the ultimate exception.