Mónéy Matters

Chapter Nineteen

"What about Gwen?"

"I love your sister, but only because she's the mother of my children. The feelings I have for you are stronger than the love I have for Gwen." Those were the words I needed to hear. Even though they weren't true they just sounded so right, so good to me. We stood there kissing and rubbing on each other for a few minutes before walking into the den and making passionate love.

"Chauncey do you really love me," I asked in the wee hours of the morning as I laid in his chest.

"Yea baby." I looked up at him to see his eyes closed. I smiled then traced the ring around his nipple. Chauncey was an amazing person to me, but Gwen was my sister. I closed my eyes and fell asleep on his chest. I was awoken by someone calling my name.

"Remesha! Remesha! Remesha!"

My eyes popped opened and I stared at the shrink who was shaking me and looking at me like I had lost my mind. I close my eyes but that only resulting in her shaking me harder and calling my name. I opened my eyes and placed my hand over my face. The shrink just kept writing false shit in her notepad. My nerves was getting bad as she looked up at me strangely.

"Please call me Remy," I said as I sat up straight on the sofa.

"Well ok Remy, I'm Dr. P as you already know. Are you ready to begin this session?" I nodded my head. "Alright then where would you like to start? Tell me about yourself. Why are you here?" I shrugged my shoulders with a frown on my face. She was the one with the diploma, and here she was questioning me like I knew what we were supposed to be discussing.

"I don't know my boyfriend scheduled me an appointment here because he thought I was depress," I said putting emphasis on the word boyfriend. She nodded her head before continuing to ask questions.

"Oh, well why were you depressed?"

"I recently just had a miscarriage and I can't stop beating myself up about it. Every time I think or talk about it, my mind get to wondering. Like what I could've done differently to make me still be pregnant. Everyday I live with the guilt that I put my first born baby at risk. My heart is hurting, I'm alone, Mónéy hates me. And to top all this off my sister's dead and my nephew is sitting in a hospital bed in a coma. This is just to much and you know who I blame for all this.........myself. I blame myself for all the bad things that happened to me in my life." I wiped the tears from my face after I was done pouring my emotions out to this stranger I didn't even realize I was crying, I guess so much was built up inside and I just had to let it all out.